


As loud as Lions

by softylouis



Category: One Direction
Genre: AU, Angst, Beating, Football, High School, High school love, Homophobia, M/M, teenage love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 02:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4503624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softylouis/pseuds/softylouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What’s a soulmate?</p>
<p>It’s like a best friend, but more.<br/>It’s that one person that knows you better than anyone else.<br/>Someone who makes you a better person, actually...<br/>they don’t make you a better person, you do that yourself.<br/>They inspire you.<br/>A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever.<br/>The person who knew you and accepted you,<br/>before anyone else did.<br/>Or when no one else would.<br/>And no matter what happens,<br/>you will always love them.<br/>And nothing could ever change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As loud as Lions

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for how terrible this is, I know it would have needed so much work (i.e. extra characters and more depth to the ones already there) but I wrote this for my senior year project and I went to french school so the teachers were a bit reluctant at allowing me to work in english. Obviously I used different names so if you find any variations of Edward or William in there tell me, I tried my best to correct the mistakes but eh some of them always slip past us.  
> My assigned teacher for the project thought I had cheated and plagiarized the work which nearly three years later I am still offended by. I landed an 82 (my english teacher, bless him, gave the assigned teacher a load of crap because he knew from the get go this was my writing) but yeah.  
> I'm really trying to get back into writing so I'm posting this just to have something.

“

 

The night was warm, yet Louis still wore the jacket as if it was minus ten degrees. He couldn't get rid of it: it was showing support. Well that's what he told himself. But he ignored it and kept his eyes on the football game at hand. The players of his school's team were into it and screaming and cheering one another on. It was a really beautiful sight. The bleachers were filled with supporters and proud parents and friends who were bursting with pride as the game went on with their team in the lead. Football was important to their school : just like other schools would focus on rugby or lacrosse, their very pride was their precious football team.  Every single player on it had been hand picked for its talent, agility, force, strength. It was something to brag about, being a part of the school's team. They needed to keep their grades on top, while performing their best on game nights like tonight. The girls all over the school swooned, even some guys got breathless whenever one of the members would take off his shirt, not that anyone would ever admit to it. It was an unwritten rule: you don't say I don't snitch. Simple as that, and Louis was content with it.  He wouldn't get picked on, even though there would be the occasional snicker or snarky remark when he'd go past a group of 12 graders. But he saw others, saw the way some were treated and it made his stomach turn. How kids could be so... cruel with one another; it was just unbearable.  He brought his attention back to the game, and jumped to his feet when the winning goal was shot. He cheered and whistled with the rest of the occupants of the bleachers, grinning widely as he watched the team jump over each other and shout out of joy. Soon, some of the supporters were on the field and cheering with the team. Louis just stood back, watching, his chest bursting with pride.  They'd won the game, and everyone would be very, very happy for quite a while : until the next game that was still two weeks later. He grabbed his phone in his pocket, checked the time and decided he could walk home without busting his curfew. Louis took a last look around, watching the team shake hands with their opponents, and then stepped off the bleachers and walking at a slow pace toward the street, and then up north.

The jacket still hung over his thin shoulders, clearly not having been designed to be worn by someone with such a small frame, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was warm, made of leather and a thick fabric he couldn't quite pinpoint. The arms were of a thick black leather, the kind of really cheesy, quite stereotypical sports jacket. And to be honest Louis adored it. He wore it every day.  "you left quickly" someone chuckled lowly into his ear, making the feathery-hair lad jump slightly before pulling a face.  "you jerk face. I had to leave to meet curfew" he explained, coming to a stop. "you guys won!" he cheered and wrapped his arms around his best friend's neck, pulling him close for a hug. "I'm so proud of you!"  "I'm glad we did" Harry smiled and hugged Louis back. "you were my lucky charm!"  "that's what you always say" Louis rolled his eyes and swatted the boy's hand. "I'm far from it. I bet you guys can't wait for Monday morning to roll around?"  "I'm dying for Monday!" Harry grinned. "Maybe Charlie will finally take a look at me?"  "the girl almost faints every time you enter a room. I think she has noticed you" Louis snorted.  "oh well" Harry shrugged. "what are you doing tomorrow?" he asked as they neared their houses.  "eating at your house" Louis replied with a small smile playing on his lips. "tomorrow's Saturday"  "I know I meant during the day, silly!" Harry pushed the lad's shoulder gently.  "I'm guessing I'm spending it with you?" Louis raised an eyebrow, expecting what Harry's question would be.  "four for you!" Harry nodded and ruffled Louis's hair. "I'll see you tomorrow, Boo"  "yeah yeah" Louis ducked away from the touch and frowned at the nickname. "sweet dreams"  "sweet dreams" Harry repeated and walked up to his door, waving one last time to Louis who was doing exactly the same. Louis waved back and pushed the front door of the two story he shared with his parents and sometimes his sisters open, stepping inside quietly as to not wake his parents. He sneaked upstairs and dropped on his bed, letting out an exhausted sigh. He had homework to do and an essay to write and he just wanted to rest for about a thousand years.

~~~

There was a storm going on outside. The sky was dark and filled with clouds. Louis hadn't seen the sun once. The wind was making branches crack and scratch at his window, making him wince. The raindrops were falling down slowly as he sat by his bay-window, reading a book. Harry had promised to come around but the temperature had them wanting to stay inside,even if they lived literally next door.  Ever since Louis had moved in fourteen years ago, they had been inseparable. They were the kind of friends you looked at and said 'God I wish I had a friendship like that!' every single time. They did everything, from playing in the sand and mud to going to some activities organized for the kids in the neighbourhood, together. Louis wouldn't want to leave Harry's side, because the other boy made him feel secure in a way he knew, even if so young, he could never let go of. He knew Harry would always have his back no matter what. Just like that time in seventh grade when a girl that completely despised Louis for no apparent reason, started pushing him around a little too forcefully. Louis being his shy, quiet and reserved self, didn't fight back. He just let her do whatever she wanted whilst praying she'd stop soon because it hurt, and his wrist was hurting really badly. He'd closed his eyes, curled himself up in a ball and waited for the next blow to come, but it never did. Harry had magically appeared, scaring the girl away - who they later realized was fancying Harry and was mad at Louis for being so close to the boy and hogging all his attention, although it wasn't on purpose.  They shared a side of their house. Well, that' what they liked to say but really it was just their windows facing each other's. In the summer, late at night or when one would be grounded, they'd open the windows and talk. They could talk for hours on end and never get bored. They'd start with talking about their favourite blanket to cuddle under during movies - Louis' was the ultimate favourite, and they gave it honour the following night by having a marathon - , to what Barbie was the most stupid, to finish with questions about the universe and life when they were overly tired. It wasn't rare their mothers found them both asleep by their windows.  What Louis preferred were the Saturday nights. They would always spend them together, no matter what. Saturday night was dinner at the Styles, irrevocably . Louis would make his way across the front lawn and knock three times on the front door. Harry would open the door to him and tackle him into a hug before pulling him inside. During the summer season they would get lemonade or ice cream before dinner was served, and on winter nights they would get some hot coco and snuggle under a blanket. What Louis loved was going up in Harry's room, sit on the bed and listen. His eyes would slip shut instantly and he'd pay attention to every creek of the floorboards, the screech of the small bench, the hiss made by the seal being lifted. He would listen to Harry’s ragged breath, making his own hitch in his throat. He'd revel in the noises of scrambling paper, shuffling feet trying to reach the pedals before complete silence. There would be a moment, mere seconds really, where they would both remain silent. Anne, Harry's mother, could be heard through the thin paper walls that produced Harry's house. But neither really bothered: they were lost in their own little world.  And then it would start. Quietly, softly, as if testing the waters. And the notes would get stronger, louder, more sure about themselves as it went on and on. And then Louis would hear it, the one thing that he held so close to his heart it ached. He would feel it down to his core, making his skin tingle with goosebumps.  Harry's voice was rough yet soft. It was strong yet mellow. it wouldn't be loud: it never was. Harry was so insecure about his voice in a way Louis could never understand. How could someone so talented be so scared of what their voice held? Of all the power it transpired? It was just... There weren't really words for it. Louis just felt as if he was traveling to another time, space, a world where nothing mattered but the words sung in harmony.

 

"I'm going mum!" he called through the house from where he stood at the front door and shrugged when he got no response. She knew he was going over to Harry's anyway. He pulled his raincoat tightly around himself before walking out and running next door. The grass was like a sponge under his shoes. He pulled a face at how gross it felt and stomped up the front stairs, seeking cover. He knocked on the door strongly to make sure they heard him. He could hear Harry running down the stairs, even through the loud noise of the rain crashing around him, making Louis smile.  "hey there goofball!" Harry grinned and hugged his best friend before letting him in. "wanna go upstairs?"  "definitely" Louis beamed, racing the boy upstairs to his room.

~~~

Louis rolled his eyes at the other boy's antics. "I swear it's not magic!" he sighed and leaned closer to reach the paper.  
"you just have to add these two" he circled the two numbers, "divide by this one and then do the square root of the result and you have the answer!" 

"I really don't get it" Harry whined. "why do I have to do the square root? And why is there a plus there!? I thought I had to subtract!"  
"you're such an idiot" Louis chuckled. "you need to subtract when the second one is negative, it's just a sign rule. Otherwise you just add them up and then divide by the one underneath. And then you just do the square root. Now may I please return to my history essay?" 

"yeah yeah I'll just botch this whole thing" Harry's shoulders slumped slightly as he grabbed his calculator, and Louis smiled fondly at the boy before going back to his bed, grabbing the laptop and his notebook in which he'd noted everything he needed to talk about in the essay. He was munching distractedly on his favourite blue pen, trying his best to make the whole thing intelligent without copying and pasting it from some lame website he'd gotten information onto. 

"this sucks" he mused, drumming his fingers on the laptop. "and it's pointless and useless and just tiring for nothing"  
Harry didn't reply, just smiled, amused, at the other boy's complaint. It was rare Louis would go on about school work the way he did right now, usually being the one scolding Harry for doing so. But the roles had seemingly swapped as he was the one going on about his own work and not uttering a word. 

"stop looking at me like that" Louis snapped, not even lifting his eyes as he could feel the taller boy's gaze boring into him. "get back to work, prat" 

"stop calling me that" Harry huffed and turned his head back to the math homework displayed in front of him on Louis's work desk. Forcing him in there was the only way Louis had found to get Harry not to just push away his homework and go play football, instead helping him increase his grades. Harry risked another look at Louis who was now fully absorbed by his essay.  
Harry had always found Louis to be pretty : how could he not? The boy had perfect bone structure and his eyes were the bluest he'd ever seen. He'd never told anyone, of course. 'gay!' 'fag!' he could already hear everyone just for saying he found another guy pretty, handsome. Why was it that girls could do the same, find other girls gorgeous and not get harassed for it because it was normal. The rate of girls he know who watched the Victoria's secret catwalks only for the models was just the same as the boys who did it for the same reason.  
But for a guy to find another one good looking without having feelings for one another beyond platonic seemed to be frowned upon so Harry kept to himself and dove back into his math homework, finishing up that last problem before slamming his book shut with a relieved sigh. Louis was still as focused as ever on his essay and Harry decided to have a little fun. He cleared the floor of their bags quietly, not bringing attention to him from the feathery-haired boy and once he deemed the floor safe enough, made a beeline to Louis and snatched his notebook from his grasp as he was running through some notes. 

"H give it back" Louis sighed.  
"no" Harry grinned wickedly, holding the notebook out of the other's grasp. "come get it"  
"come on, please just give it to me!" Louis whined, pushing his laptop aside. "Nope" Harry shook his head.  
"I hate you" Louis groaned and launched himself at Harry, battling for the notebook.  
"no you don't" Harry chuckled and held the notebook higher, out of Louis's reach. "you adore me"  
"I hate you, dickhead" Louis grabbed Harry's shoulder and pushed onto it to bring the book lower. The curly haired boy simply chucked the book on the bed and brought his hands to Louis's sides sneakily, and started tickling him.  
"stop!" Louis cried as he trashed around in Harry's arms, trying to pry himself away from the attack, laughing too much. "stop!"  
"never" Harry winked and maintained his attack on the boy's rib until Louis's hands flew to his own stomach and they started wrestling around, trying to get the upper hand on the battle going on. Louis made them both fall to the ground and they rolled around, tickling the other relentlessly as they laughed so hard they were sure to be getting a set of abs by the end of the night. Harry finally ended up on top of Louis, the smaller boy's hands pinned over his head. Harry was straddling his waist, their chests heaving in unison as they tried catching their breath.  
"I win" Harry chuckled breathlessly.  
"I haven't surrendered" Louis pointed out, raising an eyebrow. "so you don't"  
"oh yeah? What does it take for your surrender?" Harry leaned in cheekily, smirking down. "because if you haven't noticed, I'm on top of you and you're helpless. Say it, babe"  
"no" Louis's breath itched in his throat at the proximity of the other. Of course they'd always been close, up into each other's personal space and neither really minded, but this, this felt different. They air in the room felt thicker, heavier suddenly. Their faces were so close together that their breaths mingled in the small gap between their mouths. Louis let his eyes run over Harry's features softly. He had thick, large lines creating his angelic face. Large, square jaw, big green eyes like emeralds, and an enchanting mouth that was agape, letting out small, jarred breaths.  
Harry could feel Louis's eyes on him. He would have told him off for it if it hadn't been for himself doing the same thing unashamedly. His eyes roamed over the boy's delicate face and he bit his lip softly. Leaning in slowly, watching Louis's reaction as he got closer and closer, centimetre by centimetre, unsure as to what he even was doing, just that he really wanted to. No, more like he had to. 

Their lips met softly, like a butterfly's swift clap of wings, delicate and almost breakable if anyone moved one bit. Harry kept his lips there for a few seconds before pulling back, wide-eyed as he realized he had just kissed his best friend. 

"I'm so sorry!" he rolled off him instantly, and stood, giving out his hand to help Louis up from the floor. "I don't know what took over me I'm really sorry!"  
"hey" Louis grabbed him by the shoulders sternly. "don't fret, it's okay. It's all right"  
"I just.. I'm sorry"  
"no need to be sorry" Louis laughed weakly. "we're good, aren't we?"  
"we are" Harry nodded. "I'm just going to head home now okay? It's late and as much has I'd love to crash here my mum's going to have a fit if I don't sleep home tonight" 

"alright. See you tomorrow at school okay?" Louis asked as Harry gathered his books that had been scattered all over his desk.  
"sure. Goodnight " he kissed the boy's cheek as he always did before scampering down the stairs, out the door and across the front yard to his own house. 

Louis dropped on his bed with a sigh, pushing his book aside to make place for himself to sleep. He crawled under the sheets and took a look at the window, trying to see if the other boy was in his own room as well. He wasn’t, and it left a certain uneasiness into Louis’s stomach. What was the bother? Why had Harry been so eager to leave? It’s not like it was an actual bother now was it?  
Louis stayed still on his back in his bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars he and Harry had stuck up there the summer of their eighth year. Harry had insisted that the blue-eyed boy had some as well, so that they were alike. ‘You’ll think of me every time you’ll see them’ He’d told him. So Louis had agreed and they spent most of their afternoon stretching themselves up as much as eight year olds could to reach the ceiling and to stick the stars to the white ceiling. Later that day, after eating dinner and playing some video games at Louis’s house, they’d laid in bed and gazed up at the stars. 

“I wish I could go to space” Harry had mused.  
“Why’s that?” Louis questioned, still eyeing the stars carefully, almost scared that one of them would fall off and get in his eye or something.  
“It seems like so much fun. You see stars, ride comets, observe the planets, travel the galaxy and even more. Admit it sounds fun, doesn’t it?”  
“Well yeah... But wouldn’t you be scared?” he turned to his side to look at his best friend. “I’d really be scared if I had to go into space...”  
“same” Harry had shrugged and turned as well so they were facing each other. “But if you stop at everything because it looks scary, what’s the point? You’ll always be scared no matter what, so why not take the bull by the horns and do it, no matter how scared you are? It’s living”  
“You’re probably right” Louis shrugged. He and Harry were polar opposite: he was quiet and shy, Harry was outspoken and loud. They blended together perfectly, balancing their other half. 

“talk about taking chances” Louis groaned at the stupid stars on his ceiling and turned over so he didn’t have to watch them anymore. They were just taunting him and making him feel as if something drastic had changed over the past few hours. Harry had changed. He was... more distant. Louis could see it in his eyes: the kiss had triggered something in both of them. But what? And why did it matter? they were the best of friends. Best friends didn’t push each other away in times like this. Best friends sticked together and didn’t let a stupid kiss get between them.  
That was what scared Louis the most. It was a kiss. Was their friendship so weak that a minor incident like that could ruin them? He very well hoped not because it was an actual scary thought. Losing Harry over that was frightening, as if he couldn’t breath, couldn’t move. The ache was pinning him down and he couldn’t move his limbs, cold as stone. Louis cared. He cared for Harry. And losing him would be the worst pain he’d every experienced: and he hadn’t even lost him yet.

~~~

Louis woke up early that morning. It gave him a chance to grab a shower before everyone else awoke in the house. He slipped out of his comfortable and warm bed, scowling slightly as his feet collided with the cold hardwood floor that covered his bedroom. He scrambled around a little to get a hand on his towel. He finally found it and tip-toed outside the room to the hallway. The pale beige walls were covered in pictures of the family. Louis’s absolute favourite was waiting right in front of his house. It was of him and his sisters grinning toothily at the camera. Lottie, the eldest, was wearing that dress she was obsessed with at the time: Louis remembered clearly. It was short, a bit too short in his father’s standards, but she wore it happily every two days, washing it every time. It had completely dissolved after spending so much time in the washing machine, but she didn’t care: she’d given it a good life. She treated her clothes as if they were humans, which Louis found fascinating: why bother so much about a piece of clothing? for example, when Daisy, his other sister, had had that boyfriend. She would never take off the sweatshirt he’d given her.

Okay, maybe he wasn’t any better, always wearing Harry’s varsity jacket, but that was just support, and the thing was actually really comfortable and cozy. He could wear other things too: it wasn’t the center of his wardrobe, unlike his sisters.  
Daisy on her part had been wearing some shorts and a tank top and something she’d claimed to be a ‘bandeau’ underneath the loose fabric of the supposed shirt. Then again, their dad had winced but not uttered a word at the rig-out.  
Louis was simply dressed into a pair of trunks, and had no shirt on. It was quite rare they got to travel to America, so he took every opportunity he could to get a tan. They were down all the way in Florida, by the shore. they were on a boardwalk, a fair clear in the distance and the shops making themselves known. 

They were in the very middle, Their arms thrown around each other in a happy embrace. They were very much unlike what people considered to be normal siblings. They rarely ever fought: to them it was pointless.  
So there they were, in the middle of the photograph, grinning like there was no tomorrow at the camera, as if they didn’t have a care in the world. It was probably Louis’s most prized memory. Their carelessness, they easiness around, he missed that. He missed having his sisters around, hearing them bicker lightly over who would get to use their hair straightener first. But now the house was silent: only him and his parents. Lottie had left for U.N.I. all the way in Manchester, putting a few hours of distance between them, and she wasn’t willing to make the trip down often, much to Louis’s dismay. Daisy, on her part, was off to travel Europe, and next would probably be the world. She’d call every now and then, tell her little brother about the people she met, the experiences she lived. He longed for that. The liberty of being yourself and meeting other people who weren’t scared to be real. The possibility of learning from so many other cultures and beliefs. But he was caught into the school walls, and graduation couldn’t come any slower if it tried, although it still was around the corner. And that made him smile broadly.  
Then she’d tell him she had to go and that was it. No contact for another week, maybe two. She lived that amazing life, would turn out being in Switzerland on day and then forty eight hours later would ring them with a number from France or Russia. She said it was exhilarating, and Louis hoped one day he could get that feeling too. The feeling of being free, maybe not in the way his sisters had found by moving as far away from their home as they could, but at least be able to fly by himself. See the world for what it was worth, instead of that small community his school consisted of. 

He’d normally say he still had Harry, his neighbour, his best friend, his brother. But as of recent events, that seemed not to be the case. Harry was avoiding the blue-eyed boy at all cost and it stung. A week had passed and there still was no sign of the curly-haired lad outside of some quick sightings at school and rapid glances at their windows before the blinds fell, the curtains drawn, and the lights turned off without so much as a wave, a smile, a sign of recognition. As if they never happened. Was it still because of the kiss? Louis couldn’t believe it could still be about that. They’d been fine afterwards, hadn’t they? Of course Harry had left in a hurry but it wasn’t much of a surprise: Anne, his mum, wanted him in bed at ten thirty on weekdays, even if he was just across the fence. No, she wanted him in his bed every night, safely tucked in. And Louis know the other boy didn’t complain: He loved his mother to bits, willing to do anything for her. He was a mummy’s boy. 

So if Harry was still freaking out about the kiss, the biggest question remained: why? Friends kissed all the time. They were friends, they were allowed to kiss, and experiment. Why were they any different? Was it because they were both guys? Because that really sucked. Louis hadn’t felt anything from the interaction: he hadn’t been freaking out over it the same way he would have if it had been Hannah, the girl he’d been crushing on for years on end now, but it had been nice. The weight of Harry on top of him, the strength he had felt through the hands clasped around his wrists, pinning them over his head. The light stubble that had annoyed him all night and that he had to keep himself from forcing Harry to shave had felt rather... nice against his cheek. 

‘Maybe there’s something else’ Louis mused as he showered.‘Maybe there’s something he’s not telling me...’  
It hurt getting out of the house and not seeing the mass of curl that usually sat on top of the other’s head waiting for him outside. He just hoped he was alright. Whatever was keeping him away from the one he normally claimed to be his best friend, Louis hoped he was going to be okay and pull through whatever was troubling him. It must have been big if he couldn’t confide into Louis: they told each other everything.  
He thought the nagging feeling would go away. That the voice in his head taunting him would disappear, but it did not. Instead it got even worse. ‘he doesn’t trust you’ it would say. ‘He wants nothing to do with a fucking faggot like you!’. It almost made him cry. Neither were gays: they weren’t, Louis certainly wasn’t. He loved girls. He’d loved girls from the start. Why change that now? So all that voice did was mine his already dark mood.

He wasn’t surprised to be by himself again as he walked toward the school. The first time it had happened, he’d almost been late at school. He kept telling himself that the emerald-eyed boy would show up, would turn up and jump on his back, begging for a piggy-back ride because he claimed to be too tired. And Louis would have given up, as always. Wouldn’t have put up a fight, instead tightening his grasp around his legs to keep him still. 

So instead of sulking, he plugged in his iPod and set off toward the school. It was he who’d picked it: both his sisters had attended, the teachers seemed nice enough, and there was no uniform. There existed no better deal.  
But now, as he walked into the red brick building, he started regretting his choice. He wished he’d just gone to that private boarding school his mum had proposed. Maybe that way he wouldn’t have to be faced with the sight of Harry laughing soundly, surrounded by his teammates, looking as if they were on top of the world: which, to be fair, they probably were. Louis just scowled and headed to his locker, ducking around the freshmen and sophomores rushing to get to class in fright of being late. He simply grabbed his English book and headed toward the english and performing-arts department of the school. It held his first three classes of the day. He walked into the english classroom and greeted the teacher before finding his usual seat at the far back of the room, by the windows. He would often space out, staring at the birds flying around the backyard or the buzzing of the town they could see in the close distance. But he couldn’t let himself do that today: They had a test next week and he needed to listen, seeing he wouldn’t be getting any help from Harry any time soon. So he focused on the lesson at hand, forcing himself not to look at Harry on his left. That was going to be harder than he’d expected. 

~~~

Two weeks. It took Louis two weeks to get tired of it. Yeah, Harry could ignore him for a while, that was fine: He needed time to think things over, and Louis respected that: he really did. But two weeks was a long time - in his opinion- to get over the fact that his best friend and him had kissed. Because who was the investigator? Because really, all this time later it was getting blurry. And Louis didn’t like that: didn’t like the fact that the kiss he’d enjoyed so much was forced out of his head as if something was pulling away a piece of tape from his mind, from his heart. Yeah, it was wrong: they couldn’t let that happen again, not ever. But it was no denying that it’d been nice, and that Louis didn’t want it to fade away. 

The afternoon was rather chilly: it was october already, and it was either really cold, or really hot: rarely a decent in-between. Louis was wrapped in his favourite sweater, the white one that had once belonged to Harry, and was picking at his dark blue trousers, as he waited around the corner for football practice to be over. He’d waited two weeks to confront him, and enough was enough. He’d watched the practice unravel from his hiding spot. Harry looked amazing: stealing the ball from the unexpecting players, dashing to the opposite goal and scoring as if it was the easiest thing in the world to do. It left Louis speechless most of the time: how effortlessly Harry took the lead, ducking away from the others who tried to rip the ball away from his skillful feet. But they never managed, and maybe that was why it was he who was the captain of the football team. How he never let anyone be in control. Yeah, for sure he’d give the ball to the others and they didn’t have a straight winning record, but you could tell they were the leading team every time. And it made Louis proud, in a way. How his best friend, if that, was the puppet master of it. Not the coaches, not the referees, not the other team’s captain. He and only he. And Louis was sure he’d make it, if he wanted to. Harry could definitely become professional if he applied. 

Harry had other plans, though. He wanted to get his A-levels and attend UNI in London or Manchester, living in a small apartment with Louis, or if he found a girl, his girlfriend.  
“I want to be a lawyer or a business man. Something cool like that” He’d told Louis a few years back. “I want to know I made it: I want to use my brain, not my feet to get money”  
“I get it” Louis had nodded, un-pausing the game, although he really didn’t. Harry was talented and really could have a bright future in football if he gave it a shot.  
“I don’t want it to be everything” Harry had added a few hours later that night, as they laid in bed silently, chasing a slumber that would never come. “It’s so stereotypical and I don’t want to be in the bright eye. I don’t want to be judged and I don’t want to have people scrutinizing my every move and analyzing everything. I want to live normally”  
Louis only hummed quietly and that was settled. He never pushed his friend to apply to those colleges with football teams or to ask for a scholarship. He dropped it, as he stared up at the shining stars on his ceiling. 

Louis was shook out of his reverie when he heard the whole team head over to the locker room, near to his hiding place. He’d wait: he didn’t want to face Harry in front of his whole team, and the curly haired lad always walked out last, taking an impossible time in the shower. Louis fiddled with his phone as he waited for the team to exit the smelly room. He’d been in there more than once, waiting for Harry after his practice, doing his homework or reading a worn out book he’d read one too many times already. He couldn’t really help it though: A good book was always a good book, no matter how many times you’ve read and re-read it. He knew who was first to leave, and who was the most likely to linger so much that they might even beat Harry to the amount of time spent in here. He barely glanced up as the players passed him, exiting their sanctuary to head to their cars or bikes, or just down the sidewalk to head home. He counted twenty-three before letting out a relieved sigh. He looked around, making sure no one was there anymore, and pushed the door open. He stepped inside, the smell instantly hitting him and he winced. Couldn’t the boys use some air freshener or something? 

He made his way to the back where he knew Harry’s locker was. A shower was turned on, meaning the captain was still washing off the dirty sweat he’d gained over practiced. Louis reached the locker and opened it softly, trying to remain silent. He peeked inside and smiled as he saw a picture of himself and Harry when they were only kids. young Louis was crying while young Harry was laughing so hard you could almost see tears running down his cheeks. Harry had effectively just shoved sand from the sandbox into Louis’s pants, setting off the tears. Their mothers had been in hysterics, and their dads were just sat there, sipping their drinks lazily, as if it was a regular occurrence, which it was. Although normally, Louis was the one to do the shoving and Harry the crying. 

He looked all over the locker before shutting it a second before the water stopped running in the shower room. Louis sat down on the bench nervously, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt as he waited for Harry to come out.  
The curly haired boy walked out of the shower room with a towel hung loosely over his hips. Louis bit his lip as he walked over, turning the corner sharply, Louis now in plain sight. Harry stopped and narrowed his eyes at the other, not saying a word.  
“Erm... Hey” Louis said nervously, and being nervous made him nervous, because he was never nervous around Harry. He was always confident yet right now his confidence had taken a shot. Or a thousand.  
“Hey” Harry frowned, stepping closer to grab a clean pair of briefs and sliding them swiftly underneath the towel.  
“I was just... uhm... You’ve been ignoring me for the past two weeks and I wanted to ... I wanted to know if you were all right?” Louis bit his lip, cursing the stuttering.  
“Yeah I’m fine” Harry kept his replies short.  
“You’re sure? I mean... Did I do anything wrong?” Louis enquired weakly. And it stung when Harry didn’t reply, instead just put on a clean pair of sweatpants.  
“So I did do something wrong then” Louis nodded softly. “What did I do? Can you at least tell me what I did to have my best friend hate me and avoid me like I’ve got the plague? Because it hurts not knowing what I did wrong. Just tell me so I can maybe try to fix it. Is it the kiss? Because it-”  
“Shut up!” Harry snapped, looking around feverishly. “Stop talking, ok?!”  
“So that’s it?” Louis quirked an eyebrow. “You’re avoiding me, making me feel like the worst person in the world right now because we kissed?” Louis chuckled darkly.  
“I’m not gay okay?!” Harry hissed. “I don’t know what the hell happened back then but it was really fucking wrong!”  
“You could have told me you know?! Instead of scampering away like a scared rabbit or some shit! You could have told me it was a mistake and we would have laughed it off! But no, you decided to make it look like a huge deal for no reason! You’re stupid, you know that?” Louis got to his feet. “I’ve been freaking out for two weeks straight thinking something bad had happened to you, something so bad you couldn’t even tell me, and you’re saying it’s because you thought I thought you were gay?!” 

“Stop it!” Harry growled. “I haven’t been avoiding you I was just putting distance between us because stuff like that doesn’t happen between two guys! It just doesn’t! I’m not some queer!”  
“And I am?” Louis asked, hurt. “Because I was the one to lean in, I am a queer? and a fag? You kissed me back!”  
“Did not!”  “Did too!”  
“Not!”  
“Did!” Louis yelled, punching Harry’s shoulder. “You’re such an asshole you know that?! It happens! Shit happens and it’s only a big deal if you make it one!”  
“Well sorry for not being all that happy about kissing my best friend!” 

Louis was fuming, staring at Harry with his blood pumping into his ears. And it happened in a flash. Like one of these black out moments people have when they have accidents or something. They’re at one place, doing something, and the next thing they know they’re in another place completely, doing something totally different. And you have no control over it: You only go with the flow, accept it as it comes. There’s no need to fighting those times, it only makes them all the more powerful.  
So when Louis realized he was pinning Harry to the lockers roughly, although the football player was taller and broader, Louis’s eyes widened. But it was too late already. Their lips were crushing together, all teeth and tongue and it was messy, but neither cared. they just held on tightly. Harry had his hands wrapped around Louis’s waist and back holding him close. Louis had brought his own up to the boy’s neck, pulling him closer if possible. And he really didn’t want to let go, because he enjoyed it. Much, much more than he’d ever dare to admit.  
The way Harry’s strong arms circled him, as if they were caging him from the exterior world, it made him feel safe. And the way his stubble scraped over his own freshly shaven jaw sent shivers down his spine. He let his hands fall from the other’s neck and ran them over his chest, feeling every twitch of the muscle and strangely enough, appreciated the fact that there weren’t breasts in the way: Just a flat torso that was seemingly endless, meeting with Harry’s stomach that was sculpted beautifully, as if God had hand carved every muscle, every goose bump Louis could feel under his hand.  
And a few seconds later, maybe twenty, twenty five if he’d been lucky, he was already getting pushed away. He stumbled and almost fell over the bench, if it hadn’t been for the steady hand that kept him to his feet, letting go quickly once he was stable. Harry was standing in front of him, eyes wide, and it reminded Louis of a deer in the headlight.  “I...” He tried to talk but nothing would come out. Harry scrambled quickly to grab his cleats and training gear, throwing them in his bag. He slipped on a t-shirt, which ended up inside-out, and grabbed his bag.  
“Harry!” Louis called after him as the curly haired lad practically ran out of the room without so much as a glance. He heard the door slam shut loudly and groaned, leaning his back on the lockers where Harry had been standing a few seconds prior and slid to the ground, gripping his head with his hands, angry tears running down his cheeks as he realized just how bad he’d fucked up. He tried to regain a certain composure before daring to walk outside. He couldn’t walk out and risk having anyone seeing him in such a state because what was he meant to say?  
“Oh hey, no I’m not fine I jus kissed my best guy friend again and he probably loathes me now! Have a nice night!” and walk away. That was just physically impossible for him. So he breathed in, breathed out, try to calm the pounding in his chest. He rested his head on the locker and exhaled loudly. His mind was a raging inferno, his chest ached from the pounding, his lips were swollen and sensible and his eyes burned with the stinging of the tears.  
It took him a good ten minutes to get control back. He lifted himself from the ground slowly and grabbed his bag he’d set aside earlier, swinging it over his shoulder before taking a look at the mirror. He looked like a mess, with his eyes bloodshot and puffy. He sighed and splashed cold water over his skin to refresh it a little, deemed it acceptable and walked to the door without glancing back inside the locker room.  
When he made it home that night, tired and worn out, he excused himself from dinner, claiming he wasn’t feeling all too well before running up the stairs to his bedroom in some foolish hope.  
He wasn’t surprised to see that the curtain on the other side had been drawn. 

~~~

‘Hey Harry it’s me... Call me back, please. We need to talk’ *BEEP*.  
‘H seriously just answer me... I’m so sorry, please talk to me’ *BEEP*.  
‘H are you okay? I’m getting worried here please answer me’ *BEEP*. 

Louis tried. He did everything he could: Sent him messages on Facebook, calling him, texting him, phoning even his house phone to try to contact him. But nothing would do: He’d never answer or reply. It was like being faced with a wall: no matter how long you spent talking to it, trying to pry a response from it. Trying to get a reason.  
He knew it all too well, the reason. He just should have never kissed him the way he did. Doesn’t mean he didn’t want to, though. Because to be fair, Louis liked it. Really, really liked it. It was quite scary. 

How was he supposed to react to that? He’d kissed his best friend of over ten years, the guy who he’d loved more than anything for so long, as a friend, and enjoyed it. He loved the stubble and the strength it withheld and the musky smell he breathed as they were close. He could still feel it in his dreams, the way his hands had snaked to the hem of his shirt, lifting it a little as their kiss got deeper, harder, stronger.  
He wasn’t gay. There was no way that he was gay: it was one thing he was sure of. He’d never felt any affinity with another guy before. Had never stopped and looked at a man as they walked down the street and told himself : ‘I would totally date him! He’s so fit and gorgeous!’  
Never in a million years had that thought ever crossed his mind. It wasn’t him. He knew that much. So what was it about Harry that made it any different? A kiss was a kiss, the end. No matter who you shared it with, whatever they hid in their pants, you kissed because you wanted to.  So why did he want to? It just brought him back to his orientation again: He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be. No one was gay around them. No one at school, God bless, no one in their families, nobody in their entourage. It was just considered wrong. Maybe the cross in Harry’s dining room could testify just how wrong that was. Two guys in love was a sin. The end. They’re practically useless: isn’t the point of the human race to procreate? Two guys didn’t make very good babies, and neither did two girls. Love could only be between a girl and a boy: that much was clear.  
That brought up another question. Why did it feel so right when it was so wrong? Why did those arms feel so safe when they were so dangerous? They carried so much love and brought so much hate. 

“I’m so fucking scared...” He glanced at the mirror in the corner of his room.  
How to know if something was good when everyone around you thought it was wrong?  
So many questions with so little answers. He wanted to cry at how stupid he was. He should have never kissed Harry in the first place: if he’d just focused on his history paper for real and hadn’t let himself get distracted by Harry’s stupid antics. If he’d just focused none of that would have happened. He wouldn’t have kissed Harry, he wouldn’t have forced the other to drag himself away, he wouldn’t have been put in this situation where he doubted even the simplest things.  
He wouldn’t be falling, scared that no one would catch him. He wouldn’t be sinning, he wouldn’t be doing something so wrong as having feelings for someone who was of the same sex as himself. 

He would be at school, hanging out with Harry as he always did without a care in the world other than getting Hannah and Charlie to notice them both. Harry would push him toward Hannah, sending him straight into her and having them both stumble to the ground in a mess of limbs and laughter. He would just help her to her feet and gather her scattered papers, smiling softly as she’d blushed, thanking him before scampering away. He then would jump on Harry’s back and swear at him, calling him names and bruising his shoulders with his fingerprints. Then they would leave each other for the afternoon, and meet again before football practice, chatting a little before Harry would run on the field and own everyone. Louis would stay on the sidelines, watching carefully, analyzing his every move. And then an hour and a half later, they’d meet again inside the locker room. Harry would shower, lingering under the hot stream of water, and Louis would call him a girl, teasing. Harry would pull a face at him and they’d get on their way long after the room had been drained from any remaining player, walking home while chatting aimlessly, about random things that they would have forgotten about the minute they’d set their mind on another subject. Louis loved that: the easiness of their relationship, the easy flow there was to it.

Instead he found himself laying on his back once more, staring at the ceiling, small tears prickling at his eyes, as he dabbed them away rapidly, as if someone could see them and call him out for it.  
It was more of a spur of the moment action, really. He looked to the side, through his window and drawled out a sigh. The curtain remained closed, the same it had been in the past few days. He rolled out of bed, landing on the ground with a loud thump and slowly got to his knees, then helped himself up with the bed. That thing that was going on, it couldn’t keep happening. They needed a real talk, now.  
So he grabbed his favourite jumper and slipped it on, breathing in the faint smell of Harry that lingered into the fabric before putting on a pair of gloves. It was a cold October morning, and he really didn’t fancy freezing his fingers off before christmas. He headed down the stairs and smiled as he noticed his parents had gone. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his keys, closing and locking the door behind himself before dashing across the front yard to Harry’s house. He pounded on the door and waited for someone to open up. It was Harry’s mum who did, smiling sheepishly at the blue-eyed boy standing in front of her. 

“Hi Anne” he breathed. “Could I maybe see Harry?”  
“I’m sorry love, he’s not feeling all too well.. He’s been sick for a few days, or as he claims so” She apologized.  
“I know but could I please see him? It’s really important” He begged.  
“I’m sorry Louis. He’s clearly said he didn’t want any visitors. I am not even allowed up there myself” She smiled sadly. “I hope he’ll be better soon. Do you know what bug he might have caught?”  
“I have no idea” Louis shook his head, resigned. “Thanks anyway Anne” He waved and turned around. 

“Whatever’s happened between you two, I really hope you can work it out” She called after him before shutting the door close, making him wince. He unlocked the car and jumped behind the wheel, starting up the heater instantly before adjusting the seat. He buckled up and turned onto the street without so much as an other glance back at the brown two-story house that was side-to-side with his own. He just drove away, trying to clear his mind. He didn’t dare going into the city, not eager to get stuck in traffic for countless hours. Instead he set his mind to head up north, maybe around primrose hill. Somewhere calm where he could think without anyone he knew bothering him.

He drove for about half-an-hour before turning abruptly into some old dirt road, sighing as the car hit every bump on the ground. It took five minutes to grow bored, and he parked to the side. His head was pounding, and he couldn’t get Harry out of it.  
Everything about the other boy was so intoxicating: and Louis wanted more. Clearly he did, because if he didn’t he wouldn’t be longing for those arms to hold him, aching for those eyes to bore into his, green meeting blue, looking through the windows of their souls.  
That scared him, actually. To have Harry look at him in the eyes. Tell him they could never happen, that it was wrong, that they had lost each other forever. Having the other boy look into his blue orbs and see the constant want for more from Louis, it scared him senseless. He knew him, better than anyone. Harry could read Louis like an open book, and Louis couldn’t have that happen. He needed to stay in control of that: tame his emotions, his feelings, so that Harry couldn’t see them. Couldn’t read them on his face, in his actions, in his eyes. Maybe that way they could be friends again, who knows?

If he managed to get a hold of himself and just push those feelings aside, then he and Harry could return to how they used to be together.  
Louis couldn’t ask for anything better.  
Sadly he couldn’t and it’s what scared him the most. To have Harry know one of his darkest secret, one he’d been haunted with ever since they shared a kiss those weeks back. Ever since his heart started fluttering at the simple thought of the curly haired lad, as he became aware of each bat of his eyes, of each movement he did.  
He hadn’t thought as he was walking: He was just going forward, not really bothered by the direction he was taking, his mind miles away with a certain green eyed boy. 

So when he reached an opening and looked up, his breath caught in his throat. He was on top of a cliff that overlooked the field down below where kids were playing in the park, teenagers were having a friendly match of football. He could see couples walking on the trails that linked every part of the field together, holding hands, laughing, smiling, being happy. Some were half-hidden by the trees, kissing the day away, cuddling without a care in the world. An old man was being pushed around in his wheelchair by what appeared to be his granddaughter, who couldn’t be older than fourteen years old. The smile on his face was so bright as they strolled past a group of teens none older than Louis himself, as one strummed his guitar aimlessly. One was engrossed into the lyrics he was belting out whilst everyone around him cheered and enjoyed his melodic voice. 

Louis fell in love right then and there. He could see London from the top, and he was sure you couldn’t from down where everyone was. It was high, around eighty feet up if not more. Falling down could be deadly, yet he didn’t mind as he settled down, feet dangling off the edge. He didn’t care: The sight of the world in action, so buzzing with life, that was practically frozen at his feet, he felt endless. Like it didn’t matter anymore if Harry was mad at him, hated him even. It didn’t matter that what he felt was wrong: that what he wanted was a sin. It just didn’t bother him anymore. 

He took in a few deep breaths, enjoying the freshness of the air, it’s cleanness compared to what he was used to breathing where he lived.  
It reminded him of that trip he did, few years back, with Harry’s family. They owned a cottage up around Leeds, and they had invited him along so that Harry wouldn’t die of boredom out there, with no internet connection or phone or anything to contact the outside world, really. Louis had been amazed at the freshness of the air, the purity of it. He forced Harry to go outside as much as possible, swimming in the lake and going on adventures through the woods only to reach the fields where Harry’s dad would bring some quads and have them mess around.  
It reminded him of the good times, although they didn’t seem real anymore. And that gave him hope. 

~~~

Louis couldn’t really focus at the moment. How could he? Harry was sat right in front of him in the quiet agora. They were on their free period, and both had essays to hand in a few days later. It surprised him that Harry was working on it and actually planning onto handing it in on time. Normally, he’d just pretend he didn’t have time or had lost it. The excuses were endless, and the teachers never gave him any kind of punishment because he was captain of the football team, and therefore God’s reincarnation on earth. It made Louis want to gag, always had.  
His eyes kept being drawn upwards, like laws of attraction. He couldn’t keep them off the boy. Either from the top of his head, which Louis had a great view of since Harry was bent over his work without a thought for the rest of the world. If it wasn’t his hair, then it certainly had to be his hunched shoulders that looked tensed. Then it would go down to his arms, and Louis would shiver as he remembered them around himself, so strong and perfectly fitting. Bits of his neck were exposed as well, and Louis idly wondered what it would be like to sink his teeth into the silky white skin, marking him, making Harry his, and tried imagining how it must feel to be able to tell everyone. ‘See that bruise on his neck? That’s my work because he’s mine’. Must be a pretty amazing feeling really. 

Then, he looked down at his hands that kept shifting from the keyboard of the laptop set beside him and the papers sprawled on their table. Louis set his mind on them, feeling up his own as he did. How would they feel? Those lanky, skinny fingers, almost bony, laced with his own small, slightly chubby. He could only think of one thing as those thoughts flooded his mind, effectively taking his attention off his essay: home.  
It’s silly, really. Thinking that when only seventeen years old. They knew nothing of the world. They didn’t, couldn’t know love. They were way too young, they still had so much to live, so much to see before they could settle down and feel actual love. In Louis’s mind, love was too complicated for two kids to understand it and grasp it. You didn’t say to someone you loved them after only two weeks: it took away all the magic, all the meaning of the word, and it made Louis cringe. He hated how people had made it so meaningless, so powerless. It was a powerful thing and it was serious. When Louis told someone he loved them, he really meant it, and they would have had to earn it. They would have had to prove they were worth his trust and love. 

In his mind, as you gave away love and trust, you also gave away a piece of your heart and Louis cherished his own more than anything in the world. No book, watch, device could ever come close to the value he held for his heart: which he really hoped was the same for everyone although he knew it wasn’t. Some just threw it away, trusting anyone that had the right words, that did the good thing at the perfect time, and then before they knew it they were getting stabbed and played with, treated like dirt, as if they never mattered. They were getting treated like they never existed, as if they meant nothing. And that was a really depressing thought. 

“Can I borrow your pen?” Harry asked dryly, snapping Louis from his daze.  “Yeah, sure” The boy handed the blue pen over, watching as the other’s hands wrapped around the cold plastic so effortlessly.  
He watched some more before finally getting the guts to say something.  
“So how have you been?” He asked the curly haired lad as if it was the most normal thing for them, to start up a random conversation as they would a stranger in the street, like nothing had happened.  
“I’ve been alright” Harry nodded curtly, barely even glancing up to acknowledge him.  
“That’s nice” Louis bit his lip nervously. “I just.. I’m sorry, you know? About what happened...”  
“Shut up” Harry hissed, eyes narrowing on the smaller bloke before him.  
“Why do you always react like that?” Louis replied, hurt. “Am I really something to be ashamed of that much?”  
“yes! What happened is so wrong on so many levels!”  
“Jesus Harry! You’re a right dick you know that?! I know you’re confused and scared but it’s not a reason to lash out on me that way!”  
“Lash out on you?! You kissed me twice for God’s sake! You couldn’t keep it in your pants now could you? You had to pull a fag move on me!”  
“Excuse you?” Louis stared at him, wide eyed. “You kissed me back! Both times you kissed me back, you held me tighter and you kissed me back!”  
“It was a mistake! It’s disgusting! We’re both guys! It doesn’t happen and you know it just as much as I do! How many times have both our parents sat us down and told us love is between a boy and a girl?! I don’t give a fuck about experimenting it’s just so damn disgusting and you make me sick!”  
“I make you sick?! You were my best friend! Still are, for the record! You were there for over ten years! You were there when I broke my arm, I was there when your grandma died and you didn’t know what to do! And now we kiss, something that is so totally normal because we were fooling around and it just happened okay?! So we kissed, and so what? I’M not asking you to be my boyfriend, curly! I’m just trying to talk!”  
“Talk about what? Can we ever even be friends anymore? every time I’m in a room with you I get worried you’ll jump on me and attack me!”  
“As if I was a fucking animal!” Louis gasped. “You know I don’t think of you like that!” He lied.  
“I don’t care, I just don’t want everyone knowing what we did! We can’t be together alone anymore without me being worried you’ll try to kiss me again!” Harry groaned, throwing his arms into the air.  
“They’ll only know if you tell them. We can keep it between us! We can make it a common secret. Nobody will ever have to know what happened those two times we were alone!”  
“What are you expecting from me then? What do you want exactly? Because I’m not willing to lose everything from my title as captain to the level of respect I’ve gotten at these past years! I worked hard to get where I am and getting kicked off the team and denied from the whole school because I kissed another guy isn’t a part of my plans!”  
“I just want to be friends God damn it! I just want to go back to how it was before that first night! Don’t you want it too? Don’t you want to get back to how we used to be?”  
“Can we? Because you clearly can’t handle yourself!” Harry hissed.  
“I can learn” Louis whispered, changing the whole atmosphere to the conversation in a second. “I can handle myself, don’t worry. I know it happened twice, and that’s all to it. It won’t happen again I swear”  
“We’ll see” Harry checked the time on his watch. “I have to go” He got to his feet and gathered his stuff, leaving a dumbfounded and lost Louis as he scampered back inside the school.  
Louis followed him with his eyes. all he could think of was ‘he’s scared’. There was no other way to put it. Harry wasn’t really thinking those things now was he? There was no way he could think so disgustingly of Louis.. But he said he’d try. He said he would try being friends again, and really, it was better than nothing. How could he have kept going without his best friend, his twin, his other half, for another eight months? He would have jumped off a bridge if he had had to go through that last month multiplied by eight.  
Harry needed someone. Someone to trust his heart with. Someone who he could hand his heart to and trust them, love them, and not be scared. Someone who wouldn’t make him worry, someone who would make him feel right, no matter how wrong the situation might be.  
He needed someone to love, someone to accept and love him right back as forcefully. Fearlessly, blindly, trust each other like there was no other way to work in life: Just like when flies meet their mate for life, their whole nervous system rearranges itself to be synchronized with the other’s. when one was gone, the other didn’t work anymore.  
Maybe it was weird to want that with someone: to become so dependent, so attached to one another you literally couldn’t live without each other.  
Yet, as he could graze it with his fingers, touch it with his fingertips, feel its breath linger, smell its faint odour, there was nothing Louis could have wanted more for himself and for Harry.  Whether or not it was with each other, all he wanted was to find that. He just prayed, ironically, that it would be together. 

~~~

No big deal. It was absolutely no big deal, really it wasn’t. Everything was absolutely under control, and Louis was certainly not freaking out, almost pulling his hair off in frustration. No he wasn’t. He was calm, serene and collected, standing straight and not distracted whatsoever.  
Who was he kidding: His heart was racing into his chest, like a race horse. His palms were sweating and he kept wiping them on his jeans, trying to keep the moist away but failing miserably. His bottom lip was trembling out of nervousness and his legs were twitching as he crossed the front lawn to reach Harry’s house. He sucked in a deep breath,repeating to himself that it was fine, that they were friends again, before rapping his fist on the door. He stepped back and brought both his hands to his back, like a child whose parents had warned him not to touch anything so as not to get his clean clothes dirty. 

“Hey mate” Harry smiled, opening the door wide to let him in. He couldn’t help but notice how good Harry smelled today. Maybe he always did and Louis just didn’t notice, which would make sense since he had only figured out he might like boys in the past few months and he hadn’t been in any contact with the boy other than the locker room moment and the time during their free period. But now that that was over, that he could let himself appreciate it, maybe not as much as he wished he could but still, he could appreciate a good looking boy without wondering about his sexuality. ‘I can sin without wondering if I really am or not,’ he thought to himself. 

“Louis, you alright there?” Harry chuckled, pulling Louis out of his reverie.  
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just, spaced out a little, sorry” He chuckled and walked inside, hearing the door close behind them.  
“Let’s go to the basement” Harry prompted and Louis instantly walked over to the said-door, opening it and stepping down the stairs, flicking the lights on once he reached the bottom.  
“Aren’t your parents home?” He questioned, settling down on the couch.  
“Nah, Mum had tickets for that show up in Manchester, so they’re spending the weekend there” Harry explained, grabbing the commands. “Want to play ?” He pointed at the Xbox.  
“You know me too well” Louis grinned, kicking off his shoes and sitting crossed legged. “I still am better than you, just so you know. I haven’t lost it”  
“You so wish!” Harry rolled his eyes. “I just always let you win that’s all. You’d never have the tenth of the luck you have right now if it wasn’t for me being nice to you, sweetums”  
“Ha!” Louis mocked. “Stop trying, I am better than you. Let’s play” He pointed at the box. “Hurry up, and we’ll settle this”  
“Right when you go grab us some chips while I settle everything” Harry ruffled Louis’s hair teasingly before kneeling in front of the console. Louis sighed and retreated from his comfortable position to dash upstairs, raiding the kitchen and taking down as much sweets as he could rally.  
“Hope you’re hungry” He announced, dropping his treasure on the small coffee table in front of the couch where Harry was sprawled: the same spot where Louis had previously sat. “You better move your pretty little bum from my spot” He waggled his finger in Harry’s face menacingly.  
“What are you going to do if I don’t?” Harry questioned lightly, toying with the controllers.  
“I’m going to push you to the ground and it’ll get bruised” Louis crossed his arms. “And you’re not going to have anything to eat. So move”  
“So demanding” Harry sighed dramatically but did as he was told and retracted his feet from where Louis always sat. “You’re number two because this is my house so I am number one” he informed him, handing the controller over.  
“You sound like an eight year old” Louis snorted, snatching his controller from Harry’s giant hands.  
“I am an eight year old” The curly haired lad shrugged and stuffed some candies in his mouth. “Ready?”  
“A disgusting eight year old” Louis pulled a face and then nodded. “Ready”  
Harry grinned and pressed play, instantly getting into his own little bubble, his own world. Louis found it harder to get in the zone, especially with Harry looking so damn cute, his tongue sticking out in concentration, and hair poking from the edge of his grey beanie. The way his eyes narrowed in on the screen, leaving nothing more to Harry’s sight than the screen. Where Louis soon realized he was close to being discovered by the other lad if he didn’t move quick, so he gripped the controller tightly and pressed down on the buttons as if he had a clue about what he was doing, just trying to get away discreetly. 

The game lasted a good hour before they got bored, forgetting all about their previous bet. They were just getting tired and Louis’s eyes were starting to hurt from staring at a tv screen so intently for so long. So they lounged around, both of them leaning on their respective arms on the couch, legs entwined in the middle and snacks strewn all over their laps. 

“This is disgusting” Harry announced, tossing a bag of candies over to Louis. “I have no clue as to why my mum keeps buying that crap”  
“Because you don’t like it” Louis shrugged and took a bite. “And I know for a fact you’ll eat practically anything you lay a hand on, unless you don’t like it. So she buys this, that she actually likes, and that you don’t, so that there’s some left for her when she wants some”  
“You’re too smart” Harry gaped at Louis. “How’d you come up with that?”  
“Mum used to do it with Lotts and Daiz. She’d buy mint chocolate. They hated it” Louis chuckled at the memory of Lottie almost chocking on the chocolate, not having read the notice beforehand. She’d just shoved a handful of little chips in her mouth. The look on her face was priceless, and Louis had had months worth of teasing just from that moment.  
“That is brilliant from your mum, but evil from mine. I’m an only child! How dare she?!” Harry gasped, pretending to be outraged.  
“Close your mouth curly unless you want some things landing in it” Louis warned, launching one of the candies across the couch, landing right in his mouth.  
“Wanker” Harry spluttered, spitting out the candy.  “You love it” He smirked and added another one in his own mouth.  
“Sadly” Harry sighed and grabbed some chips. They ate in easy silence, not bothered by it for a second. Or Louis hoped it looked like, because inside, the little hamster was running full spin.  
“What do you think of Sin?” Louis spluttered, unable to hold himself anymore. Harry just narrowed his eyes on him, careful.  
“What do you mean by Sin?”  
“I mean, Sin in general” Louis shrugged, trying to look at ease, like it wasn’t an important subject: although it was, probably, the most serious conversation they’d had in months.  
“Well, it’s wrong, clearly. But which one are you talking about ?”  
“Homosexuality...” Louis looked down at his feet, the red burning his cheeks.  
“Louis!”  
“What?! I’m just wondering!” the smaller boy defended.  
“You shouldn’t!” The other replied, anger seeping into his voice slowly but surely.  
“I’m just wondering okay? I’m just wondering why it’s a Sin when it’s truly really all about love in the end!”  
“Because!” The other shrieked, retracting his legs from the mass of limbs and setting his feet straight on the ground. “Love is between a girl and a guy and that is all, the end!”  
“How do you know that?” Louis raised an eyebrow. “Who are we to say it isn’t love what they feel, just because they like the same junk they have in their own pants?”  
“Because! What’s the point of the human race?! Surviving! And to survive you need descendants and to have descendants you need a man and a woman to have intercourse and Jesus Christ Louis! You don’t need a sex class!”  
“But don’t we have enough as it is? And they can adopt the kids other people can’t or don’t want to raise can’t they? Take care of them and love them just as much as they would if they were their own”  
“It’s just wrong”  
“Who decided it’s wrong?!” Louis threw his arms in the air. “No one said it was! It’s just those stupid people at the Vatican and crap that decided two people of the same sex couldn’t really love each other! Well, do you love me? And I mean, do you really love me, Harry?”  
“Of course I love you Louis you’re my best friend. But that’s not the point: It’s not like we’re going to get in a relationship anytime soon!”  
“You’re really thick aren’t you?” Louis sighed. “It’s not a bad thing. Hypothetically, let’s say I’m gay. How would you react?”  
“Well I’d be okay with it because you’re you but ...”  
“Would you try to change my mind? Would you try telling me what I’m feeling isn’t real? Try to make me meet some birds while all I want is a bloke?”  
“I don’t know! I don’t know, Christ, Louis! I have no idea what I would do because you’re not gay! So there’s no point into making assumptions like that”  
“Harry” Louis turned his head to stare at the other boy. “H, look at me”  
“What is it?” He snapped his head up.  
“What if I am? Please don’t yell or interrupt or run away, okay? Just listen to me for a second. What if I am, gay? I’ve been thinking a lot more than before recently... Well, I’ve been really thinking ever since we kissed for the first time in my room. I’m not going to lie to you, I liked it. Loved it, actually. Your stubble, the fact that you don’t have boobs, the way your hands felt safer and better than anyone’s I’ve ever been with. The way your cologne seeped into my nose and just intoxicated me, I felt dizzy, a good dizzy. And then you stopped talking to me and I got scared because I knew it was all my fault. I was the one who had pushed you away by enjoying it. Then we kissed in the locker room and I ... I cried because I was so fucking stupid kissing you again, especially after the treatment I received after the first. But I couldn’t help it: I needed you, needed to feel you in some way and I just... I lost control of myself, I guess. Let my body speak for itself and I’m sorry about that, but honestly, I loved it. It felt absolutely amazing and I’d relive that day every chance I get just to have those twenty small seconds played again, refreshing my memory.  
“But that’s the thing. It’s just you. It’s always been just you. I don’t see anyone else: Hannah’s lost my attention ages ago. I just, I need you, near to me. Everyday I go through without as much as hearing your voice I feel like I’m going insane, about to rip my hair off. You’re like a drug, and it scares me so much because I don’t want to be gay for you but I can’t help it, you’re just, you, and it makes my head spin and my stomach twitch with excitement and my heart stops every time I see you smile and I need you. I can’t spend a day without seeing your gorgeous green eyes or perfect curls, and I hate when you tuck them away under a beanie because they look perfect all the time, and I have this urge to run my fingers through them. And your lips, god your lips I just want to latch onto them and kiss you until they’re red and swollen and your eyes glassy and your face a gorgeous tint of pink, worked up just enough to make me go nuts.

“So, I, Louis, am completely and madly falling for my curly haired, stupid, arrogant, annoying, and absolutely perfect best friend and I’m scared as hell because all our lives we’ve been told that two men can’t fall in love with each other. But right now, right this second, I’m falling and I’m scared there isn’t anyone there to catch me”

Harry stared at Louis with a blank face, unreadable. Louis felt uneasy. He wasn’t ready to lose his best friend again: although he had to get the weight off his chest, and this was the only way. They just looked at each other for the longest of time, Louis could feel the minutes ticking away but didn’t make a move to leave. He didn’t want to leave until they were settled and clear, no matter what the result of this issue was. He just had to know and was willing to wait a very long time, if there was even the slightest chance that Harry might be willing to try something.  
It seemed like hours later when Harry spoke, so quietly that if Louis hadn’t been waiting for it, he wouldn’t have heard.  
“I’ll catch you” He murmured, eyes cast down onto his feet. Louis felt tears swell up into his eyes, hand reaching out tentatively to grab Harry’s that was settled on his lap. He was a little surprised when the other’s hand curled up instinctively around his own, offering a comforting cushion. 

“So...” He whispered, not wanting to break the spell that had fallen upon the room.  
“Yeah” Harry nodded slowly.  
“Where... Where does that leave us?” He looked up at Harry hopefully.  
“It’s still bad... It’s still a sin” Harry muttered and Louis felt his heart clench.  
“But it feels so good...”  
“It does” Harry agreed, finally raising his eyes to meet Louis’s. “It feels right”  
“I know” Louis nodded, scooting closer to the boy on the couch and wrapped an arm around his slumped shoulders. “I know” he rested his forehead against the other’s temple.  
“Can... can you kiss me? “ Harry pleaded, tightening his grip on Louis’s hand. “To m-make sure...”  
“Alright” Louis nodded and slowly pulled his head back, cupping Harry’s jaw with his hand oh so softly. He could hear his friend sucking in a deep breath and chuckled nervously. “I’m going to die of embarrassment”  
“Don’t” Harry gripped Louis’s hand tightly. “Just kiss me”  
“Okay” Louis took a deep breath before leaning in, making their lips meet sweetly, lightly. Just a light graze, nothing they’d ever experienced before. He pulled back a few moments later, out of breath.  
“That was...” Harry licked his lips slowly, eyes still shut. “Perfect” He finally decided upon.  
“Marvelous” Louis agreed, smiling slightly. “So you’ll catch me?”  
“Yes” Harry nodded gently. “I’ll catch you. But only if you catch me too”  
“Trust me” Louis smiled and kissed Harry again. “This is going to be amazing”  
“Sinning’s never felt this great” Harry sighed, raking his fingers through Louis’s hair.  
“We’ll be alright” Louis promised, holding Harry tightly to himself. “We’ll be fine.”  
“I hope you’re right. I really hope you are” Harry whispered against his neck.  
“I hope so too” Louis murmured a he lay them both down on the couch, Harry on top of him, huddled closely together. “I hope I am” he repeated as he shut his eyes, glad to be finally holding the boy he had grown feeling toward, his best friend of over ten years. 

~~~

“Mum, have you seen my blue and grey jumper?” Louis called down the stairs, playing with his trousers nervously. “I can’t find it anywhere!”  
“Have you checked the laundry room?” She asked, appearing at the bottom of the stairs, nursing a cup of tea.  
“Three times” The boy whined, leaning on the rail. “Where could it be!?”  
“Did you leave it next door at some point?” She questioned, sipping her drink. “Call Harry, maybe he’s seen it”  
“No! I was wearing it only last week and I haven’t slept over since” Louis shook his head.  
“Look into your father’s wardrobe. I might have thought it was his by accident”  
“I’m on it” Louis pushed away from the railing and sprinted down the corridor to his parents’ bedroom, making a beeline to the wardrobe, looking for the jumper he was desperate to wear: Harry had complimented him on it when he had worn it last and it left Louis feeling like putty to the other’s words. He rummaged through his dad’s wardrobe and brandished the sweater in utter glee.  
“I found it!” He yelled toward the staircase.  
“Knew you would!” His mum called back just as he ran into his room to finish dressing up. He slipped on a white shirt before tugging the sweater over his head. He snatched his phone from his bed, checking the time. He hurried out of the room as he realized he was already ten minutes late.  
“I’m going over to Harry’s!” He called as he slipped on his shoes and coat. “I might sleep over so don’t wait up” He opened the door, hearing his mum wish him a good night before it shut behind him and he was practically running across the yard to get to Harry’s house, knocking on the door loudly before checking the driveway, which was empty.  
“Impatient much” Harry laughed as he opened the door.  
“Your parents aren’t home?” He ignored the comment, stepping inside and shrugging off the jacket.  
“Nah, they went to dinner at Mary’s” the curly haired looked at his friend - boyfriend?- curiously.  
“That’s good” Louis smiled brightly, taking off his shoes.  
“Yeah..” Harry cocked his head, trying to decipher what was going on in Louis’s mind.  
“That means I can kiss you anytime I like” the smaller boy smirked, taking a step backwards to the staircase.  
“Right back at ya” Harry chuckled, following his friend slowly. Louis just started to climb the stairs, still backward, eyes trained onto Harry.  
“what are you doing, Boo?” He rolled his eyes.  
“Waiting for the best moment to dash upstairs and claim your bed as my own” Louis replied without blinking.  
“You’re too clumsy, you’re going to headbutt the stairs”  
“Says who?”  
“Says the one who’s seen you trying to maneuver a football and miserably fail, ending up with a sprained ankle, pulled muscles all over your legs and end up bruised all over your body, in places where I’m sure the ball didn’t even go to, and on top of that, I was the one to nurse your sore body back to health the whole weekend. Do you have any idea how many pouches of ice and liters of hot water I had to use in order for you to get better?”  
“Awe come on it wasn’t that bad now was it? And don’t try pretending you didn’t like fulfilling my every desire”  
“I wanted to strangle you, truth be told”  
“You still loved it”  
“Sure did” Harry smiled softly. He really had, and he wouldn’t mind doing it again, not one bit.  
Louis took that moment, when Harry’s attention wasn’t fully on him, to break into a run up the stairs and throwing himself on top of the queen size bed. “I won!” He grinned as Harry walked in after him, amused.  
“And where am I supposed to sit now?” He raised an eyebrow, standing at the foot of the bed.  “Your piano bench looks very comfy from where I am” Louis chuckled, sprawled out and covering the whole bed, leaving no place for his best friend unless he climbed on top of him.  
“Yeah, you just want to hear me play” Harry rolled his eyes but obeyed nonetheless. He loved nothing more than to play for the smaller lad, knowing he had his whole attention. He revelled into the feeling of Louis’s eyes strained on him, not leaving for a second, just always so captivated by his playing. He was ecstatic that he could capture the feather-haired boy’s attention with a small movement from his hands.  
“Is there anything you want to hear in particular?” He asked, running his long, lanky fingers over the notes, brushing slightly, not pushing them down yet. Just enjoying their feeling under his calloused fingertips.  
“Surprise me” Louis replied softly, not wanting to break whatever trance Harry was getting enveloped into. The curly haired nodded and ran through the hundreds of partitions in his mind, looking for the perfect one, the one he could only play this instant and have it mean so much. He wanted to show Louis he was willing to make them, whatever they were, work out. More than willing. He would fight, teeth and claw, for just an instant with those blue eyes. No amount of blood and tears could overcome just a brush of their lips, a graze of the fingers, the wash of a breath on his neck.  
And right now, his only way of fighting was to play and sing for the boy he felt so strongly about, that he adored with everything in himself. The same boy who scared him to no end, made him trembled in his shoes whenever he was near. Who made him run away because of what he was making Harry feel. Who made the butterflies in his stomach unbearable, and yet soothed them with a simple look-over. For years, for as long as he could remember, his father had spoken so strongly against what Harry was feeling right now. He was always talking about how wrong it was and how delusional these people were. Marginals, he’d call them. Attention seekers: Trying to convince themselves of something that wasn’t there just to have some sort of attention, to know people knew about them.  
“Two men can’t love each other. Two women can’t love each other. It’s an idea people have, that they can. But they can’t : They just want people’s attention, and they are pathetic. They shouldn’t be allowed to go through with those stupid mindset. It’s ridiculous and embarrassing for their families” Was the speech he’d heard so many times it was burned to the back of his head.  
Harry didn’t want to embarrass his parents, embarrass his father. He didn’t want to disappoint them, didn’t want them thinking he needed to put up an act just to get the attention he wanted. Most of all, he didn’t want to have his parents think of him as pathetic and desperate for something that was just an illusion. Because what he felt, when he was with Louis, the ache in his heart when he wasn’t, the way his fingers itched with the urged to hold the other’s, how his lips tingled right after they kissed, the blush he could see covering Louis’s cheeks as they got out of breath from so much kissing, that was real. That wasn’t pathetic. That wasn’t attention seeking. That wasn’t embarrassing in the slightest, and it wasn’t ridiculous. It was everything he’d ever wanted, what his mum kept telling him he’d find one day with a lovely lady, and that it would be love and he would marry her and they’d have kids and live happily ever after.  
But it hadn’t happened with a lovely lady, it happened with Louis and it was perfect the way it was. He wouldn’t have it any other way, and he needed to let his best friend know that, know that he wanted him forever and even longer, that it was only his arms he longed for at night, and how he felt warm and tingly when Louis would wave through the window, hair messy and eyes still glassy from sleep. how he would smile lazily, blowing him a kiss with a wink, mouthing a good morning. Harry wanted to wake up to that sight every day of his life.  
“I got it” He smiled and straightened himself, placing his fingers on the keys and taking in a deep breath, pressing down and letting the sweet melody fill the air.

“Kiss me, out of the beaded barley,  
Lightly, beside the green green grass,  
swing swing, swing your spinning steps,  
I’ll wear those shoes and you will wear that dress.  
oh, kiss me, beneath the milky twilight,  
lead me out on the moonlit floor,  
lift your open hand,  
strike up the band and make the fireflies dance,  
silver moon’s sparkling,  
so kiss me” 

 

He sang softly, quietly, not wanting to break to eerie feeling that had fallen upon them.  
He just wanted it to mean something: to matter. He didn’t dare to look back at Louis until the final notes of the music rang through the small room, dragging them into a silence that did nothing to ease Harry apprehension to Louis’s reaction. When he did turn around, slowly, unsure, he was faced with a beaming Louis, who was now sitting at the edge of the bed. He smiled up at him gently, easing his nerves.  
“You didn’t have to...” Louis whispered, reaching out to take Harry’s hand and steer him on the bed, and climbed on it afterward.  
“Why not?” Harry shrugged. “I mean it, Boo. Every single word, I meant it”  
“I didn’t think it was possible to fall even more and here you are, proving me wrong again” Louis chuckled and reached up to cup Harry’s jaw softly.  
“You prove that wrong every single time you look at me” Harry admitted sheepishly.  
“Again” the blue eyed boy grinned and leaned down to capture the other’s lips softly.  
“how did I ever snatch you?” Harry chuckled softly.  
“Because I love you and you’re my best friend and I jus need you” Louis smiled and kissed him again, and this time Harry responded a little more forcefully, pushing back against Louis’s lip, running his fingers through the boy’s hair. He leaned back, pulling Louis on top of him, their lips never parting.  
When they did, they both were out of breath and smiling like complete idiots, and Louis couldn’t help but pepper kisses all over Harry’s face.  
“Okay okay I get it” He chuckled, puckering his lips and planting one on Louis’s lips. “I get it”  
“I was just thinking...”  
“so that was the smell of smoke!” Harry mocked, earning himself a swat at the head from the other.  
“Idiot. No, I was thinking about us... and I just... I love it, you know? How we can be like this together and not care and I was just wondering what it would feel like ... you know, telling people. We wouldn’t have to hide out in our rooms or your basement to do stuff like this” He kissed Harry gently. “And I ... I’d like it”  
“No” Harry shook his head, eyes wide. “We can’t, Louis, we just can’t. It’s one thing to do stuff like this when we’re just us but... we can’t tell anyone. I haven’t even come to terms with it myself! I’m not going to go running around saying I’m in love with another guy! My parents, especially my father, would be so damn disappointed, I can’t do that”  
“I’m not saying we have to do it right away, don’t freak out” Louis pulled back to get off Harry and sit in front of him. “I was just thinking about how nice it would be to hold my boyfriend’s hand and kiss him whenever I want to, without being worried that someone would catch us. And your parents could never be disappointed in you, babe. They’d be a bit hurt at first but they’d get over it just like mines would!”  
“Have you told anyone?” Harry narrowed his eyes onto Louis.  
“It slipped when I was on the phone with Lottie but she said she was happy for us and that she’d back us with our parents. Ed I’m not asking you to come out right away! I’d never force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with” Louis assured. “I just think it’s something to consider, at least to our parents”  
“No way I’m telling my parents I like kissing a guy any time soon” Harry scoffed.  
“Thanks” Louis stiffened. “I appreciate”  
“That’s not what I meant, Boo. I just.. I’m scared okay? Can you just drop it? Stop talking about it... It hasn’t even been two weeks... Give me time. I didn’t use the time apart as wisely as you did. I still believe it’s a sin even if it feels perfectly right” Harry sighed, looking down at his hands on his lap. “Just give me time...”  
“Anything” Louis whispered and laid beside Harry, head resting over the other’s heart. “Just.. don’t leave me rotting in a corner. Think about it, really think”  
“I promise” The other nodded, threading his fingers into the soft hair. “I’ll think about it” 

~~~

“I’ll have a mocha please” Harry smiled at the barista who nodded and turned around to get his command ready.  
“Sorry I’m late” Louis walked inside the coffee shop, breathing heavily as he’d just run a marathon. It was mid November and there was already a light snow covering the ground. Like a blanket of cashmere. Louis had snowflakes peppered all over his shoulders and hair. His ears and nose were bright red, bitten by the cold wind that was raging outside. He would never wear a hat, no matter what Harry told him. He just blatantly refused, claiming it wasn’t as cold as it seemed. Harry could see a bit of white on the other’s eyelashes and his lips and cheeks were flushed white. He smiled as the other got rid of his coat to reach him. 

“I’ll have a cup of yorkshire tea” He asked with a polite smile, gently nudging Harry’s foot discreetly. He smiled at his best friend sideways as the barista got their drinks ready.  
“Are you done with the english essay we need to hand in next week?” Harry asked, grabbing his drink and paying for both as Louis launched himself at the warmth of the tea, sighing as his hands wrapped around the cup.  
“Not quite” He groaned, leading the way to the back booth. “It’s awful. What more can we say about Romeo and Juliet? They were kids who commited suicide and it ended with multiple characters’ death. Oh, and they were like thirteen and seventeen. They know nothing about love” He scoffed. 

“Oh really?” Harry raised an eyebrow teasingly.  
“Idiot” Louis rolled his eyes. “The whole thing lasts the best of a weekend. It’s a whole lot different than other people, without saying names. I know for a fact you can’t fall in love in a day”  
“Yeah, so do I” Harry smiled and sipped his drink, looking out through the window. They settled in comfortable silence. Harry liked this. Before, when he’d been with other girls, they couldn’t stop babbling. All. The. Time. But with Louis, they could sit in silence and not be bothered by it.  
He watched the people walk past the tinted window and found himself wondering what their lives were. What they thought of when they walked past a coffee shop where two guys were having a drink. COuld they see? Could they figure it out? Were they obvious so much, with their legs touching under the table and bodies inching toward the other’s without so much as a consultation to their head, just pure attraction?  
Or were they oblivious? Too busy with their lives to even bother wondering what could be happening between the two guys? Some people must see. Maybe that man walking past with extra tight jeans. He maybe knew what was going on because he’d been there himself. Or that woman, who looked in her forties. Maybe she knew because her brother had gone through the same thing and the fond smile she shot them meant she knew and that the secret was safe. It could mean anything.  
And those guys snickering and pushing each other playfully, who sent a weird look toward Harry and Louis, maybe they knew and didn’t approve. They maybe thought it was completely disgusting.

And they were the one that scared him senseless. Not the man with the tight pants, not the women with dyed brown hair, but the guys their age. Those who could harm them the most, because they were around all the time. At school, at the movies, the park, anywhere. They were the one you needed to please because you had to grow together: pleasing their own generation was more important than pleasing those who came before and who had experience. 

“Earth to H” Louis waved his hand in front of the other’s face.  
“Yeah, I’m here” He grinned, turning back to face his best friend, worries drifting away instantly as he caught those blue eyes he loved so much.  
“You were frowning” The other informed him, taking a gulp of his drink. “Penny for your thoughts?”  
“Nah” Harry shook his head gently. “It’s stupid”  
“Nothing’s stupid if it worries you” Louis rested on his forearms on the table. “Come on tell me”  
“I was just thinking about what I would do with my essay and got a bit carried away” He shrugged, hiding a grimace at his blatant lie as he stared down at the cup of coffee in front of him, untouched.  
“Alright” Louis nodded. “You should just forget about that. You have the whole weekend to do that. Tonight it’s just us too right?”  
“Yup” Harry smiled. “I’ve missed spending time with you like this” He admitted.  
“So have I” Louis smiled. “I like having coffee and just being... us, you know”  
“Definitely” Harry agreed.  
“I was thinking.. Well about our last conversation.” Louis lowered his voice considerably.  
“What about it?” Harry furrowed his eyebrows. “I thought we were clear about it...”  
“Yeah, yeah, we are. But I just... Why not?” He bit his lip, looking at Harry with pleading eyes. 

“Because. We’re better off. Imagine walking inside school holding hands. Just imagine all the snarky remarks and glares we’d get. I don’t want that. You’d probably get beaten up, and I’d get kicked off the team” He shook his head. “We can’t afford that. The others would judge us and we’d get told off. Called names. I don’t want anyone calling you a fag, a queer, a cocksucking whore. I can’t have that happen. People don’t accept those who are different. No one likes different. No one wants to be friends with people like us. No one wants that. It’s a sin, Louis. I thought we’d been through that. It’s wrong, even if it feels damn right, it’s still wrong and I don’t want to be looked down. I want to remain the guy who brought the football team to the nationals and won, not become the guy who likes shagging another one” He crossed his arms over his chest. 

Louis remained quiet the whole time. He didn’t dare look up as Harry spoke in a hushed tone. He knew everything he was saying: he’d been thinking about it for so long and yet he couldn’t help but have them burning the back of his mind, engraving themselves there. He could see them dancing on his eyelids, and he wanted to vomit. He didn’t want Harry to be scared like that. He just wanted to hold him and make everything okay, and have them both stay the way they were at the beginning of the year, but with the little plus. That little something that made their life so much better yet so much harder and more messed up.

“Alright” He nodded, not meeting the other’s gaze. Not yet. “You ready to go?”  
“Where are we going?” Harry questioned, oblivious to Louis’s thoughts.  
“Just on a walk” The blue eyed shrugged, putting on his coat. “The park was lovely”  
“Alright” Harry bit his lip and nodded, getting up behind his best friend, pulling on his coat. He grabbed his cup of coffee and led the way to the front door, opening it and holding it for Louis.  
“Thanks” Louis whispered as he walked past, and Harry could feel his cheeks burning with a flush. It quickly washed away as they exited into the cold air, hands clutching their cups and shoulders slumped in a vain attempt to escape the wind. Snowflakes were falling gently. It almost a fairy-like feeling. soothing them, coaxing them into another kind of ambiance, relaxing their senses.  
They made their way to the small park close to their houses. It held a few swings and a playground they had used many times during their childhood, leaving it rotten and barely capable of holding any of their weight anymore. The streetlights were on, barely bright enough to light up the whole place. 

Louis settled down on one of the swings, motioning to Harry to do the same. They stared at each other for a little bit, feet touching in a way they could easily shrug off as friendly if they got caught. They finally broke into a smile and Louis looked around frantically before reaching out to take Harry’s hand.  
“Okay” He nodded, breathing out heavily as a cloud of hot air escaped his lips. “I won’t ask again. Your pace” He agreed.  
“Thanks” Harry sighed in relief. “I’m sorry... But I can’t do it right now”  
“It’s fine” Louis smiled. “as long as I have you it’s fine”  
“Thank you” Harry squeezed the other’s hand. Yeah, they’d be fine. 

~~~

Harry grabbed his bag and phone from the bed and stormed out of his bedroom, almost knocking out his father as he ran down the stairs.  
“Woah, slow down mister” His dad scolded. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”  
“At Louis',” He smiled sheepishly. “Study night, we have a big exam tomorrow and he promised me to help”  
“Alright. Be back before ten” His dad warned and disappeared up the stairs.  
“I will!” He called and went to the front door, pulling on his boots and coat. “Be back later!”  
“Have fun and say hi to his parents for us!” His mother smiled from the kitchen doorstep.  “Alright” He nodded and pushed the door open before slamming it behind, crossing the front yard as fast as he could, which still wasn’t enough. He climbed the porch steps two by two, stopping dead in front of the door, knocking on it loudly, jumping in place nervously. It didn’t take long for the door to swing open and he was jerked inside, then slammed against the now closed door, a smirk on his face.  
“Hey” Louis whispered before capturing his lips into a warm, welcoming kiss.  
“Hey” He chuckled softly and held the other boy close and kissed him back.  
“We should probably” Louis said between kisses, “Go upstairs before someone sees us”  
“Mmm” Harry agreed and let go of Louis reluctantly. He took off his winter attire and grabbed his bag, following Louis up the stairs and into his bedroom. “Shut the blinds” He pointed at the window from where he could see his own bedroom. “Mum seemed in a cleaning kind of mood. Chances are good she’ll end up in my room”  
“Right away” Louis practically ran over to the window and pulled the blinds and the curtains, leaving them in pure darkness apart from the small lamp on the other boy’s night table.  “now where were we?” He raised an eyebrow as Louis walked back to shut the door.  
“Somewhere about... here” He smirked, pulling Harry in for another kiss, grabbing his neck with both hands and forcing him to bend down. Harry smiled at that and wrapped his arms around Louis’s narrow waist to help him upwards on his tippy toes. They kissed for a little while, lost in their own world.

“Studying” Louis mumbled finally, breaking away.  
“No” Harry groaned, trying to get Louis back, but the other would just duck away.  
“Yes. I want you passing that test” He tugged on Harry’s stray curls. “It won’t be that bad I promise”  
“Blergh” Harry buried his face in Louis’s shoulder. “In a minute...”  
“No, now” the blue eyed boy refused and pulled away from Harry, sitting down on his desk chair, pointing the bed.  
“You settle there, pretty boy. I can’t have you too close” He warned with a twitch of his lips.  
“Yeah yeah” Harry rolled his eyes and slumped down on the bed, burying his face into one of the pillows and sighing loudly.  
“Get your stuff out” Louis huffed and turned to his own books that were opened on the desk. He grabbed his pen and looked over the page, finding where he’d left off. He tapped the marker repetitively on the page as he scanned it, forcing himself to remember.  
“This sucks” Harry groaned a few minutes later, throwing his highlighter across the room with a scoff.  
“Watch out” Harry warned as he picked up the thing that had landed on the desk. “It’s not that bad. It’s rather simple when you think of it”  
“Biology is anything but simple” Harry retorted.  
“Okay maybe not simple, but easy to remember at least. Easier than football”  
“Football is a whole lot easier than biology” Harry retaliated. “This is absolute crap whereas Football is something real, tangible”  
“Babe” Louis looked at him with a condescending look. “Football is just a bunch of guys running after a ball. I get you like it and stuff, but biology is much more relevant”  
“Excuse you?” Harry raised an eyebrow. “Football is very much relevant, I’ll let you know. Science is bullshit”  
“Look, pretty boy. You refuse to go to UNI for football, so don’t try telling me it’s more important than science, something that will actually get you into school”  
“Wh said I wanted to get in for science? What’s so bad about sociology or business?”  
“Nothing, Jesus. I’m just saying science is an actual class while football is a thing you do to pass time” Louis shrugged.  
“You’re just jealous because you don’t belong in a team, a group like the footie team” Harry snarled and returned to his books.  
“Ha! Ha! You think I’m jealous of a bunch of brainless guys who know nothing better than to make lame jokes in the locker room and run after a ball on a field?” Louis mocked. “Try again”  
“Pardon me? So now I’m a brainless guy? Thank you” He scoffed.  “I never said you were! But your dumbass friends are!”  
“They’re still my friends! I thought you knew that, Louis! They’re my team, we’re like a family!”  
“So that’s why you’re scared to tell them, then? Because you’re so tight of a family, you have to hide who you are”  
“I’m not telling them because I don’t want anyone to know! Fucking Christ Louis I thought we’d been through this already! “  
“We have! I’M just, I get why you don’t want to tell your parents, because of how you were raised and shit, but come on! Your friends! If they really are your friends they’ll accept you no matter what!” 

“No. No, they won’t, because no one wants a fag ogling anyone in the locker room. No one wants someone who fantasizes about them while we shower!”  
“Oh so now you’re ogling your friends in the locker room?!” Louis hissed.  
“M’not!” Harry pulled a face.  
“Then why does it matter!? If you’re not checking them out why should it matter if you like checking other guys out?!”  
“because I don’t” Harry lets out a long breath. “It’s just you. No one else. Just you” 

Louis made to reply but his words caught in his throat, choking him. He looked up to meet Harry’s eyes and bit his lip, hard, so hard it started bleeding. They remained like that for a little bit, watching each other like stray animals, trying to figure out what move the other was about to pull, what step they’d be taking next. Louis took the matters in his own hands and got to his feet, taking Harry’s hand in his small one, and leading him back to the bed. he pushed aside the books and pens scattered all over, before laying down and pulling Harry with him. They lay like that, facing each other, legs and fingers entwined, for what seemed like eternity. It only lasted a few minutes, each other lost in thought.  
Harry was shaking inside. Quacking in his boots, wanting nothing more than to hide in a hole for the rest of his life. He wasn’t ashamed, he could never be ashamed of feeling so strongly about Louis. It was against the universe law. He was scared. He was afraid of how people would react, how the news would be taken, how people would treat them after they revealed their secret. He wanted to please. Harry was a people pleaser, who wanted everyone to love him and was willing to go to any extend to have people liking him. Seeing a smile on everyone’s face was more important than having a genuine one on his own, softening his features and quieting the storm in his eyes that only Louis ever seemed to notice. He was the only person he could fool, actually. Louis knew better than anyone when the smile was fake, the laugh too loud to be real, the touches calculated perfectly. 

That was what made him so special. He knew. He knew how much Harry hated carrots, or how long it took him to do his hair in the morning. His before-bed routine, or his favourite breakfast. How he hated when someone talked rubbish about people he cared about. He knew his favourite comebacks and the best way to have him grinning from ear to ear even on a somehow depressing day. He knew everything and it made Harry squirm with pleasure and discomfort at the same time, the vulnerability of i hitting him like a truck. He couldn’t hide. 

Louis trailed his eyes over Harry’s features slowly, trying to decipher whatever he was trying to hide. Was it shame? Because Louis wouldn’t be surprised if Harry was ashamed of him. He just wished his friend told him, admitted that he didn’t want anyone to know because he didn’t think Louis was good enough. He was ashamed because he could have gotten so much better: there were many girls and guys at school, outside, who were so much prettier than Louis. More comfortable to hold. With more plump lips to kiss, stronger hands to hold. Smarter brains, more athletic bodies. Because really, who would be dumb enough to turn down a perfectly flat stomach, or a rock hard chest for a small protruding tummy that had Louis wincing as he looked down.  
He knew Harry could find better, would find better if he only tried. Maybe he was the only boy but there were certainly girls who could battle him off for the curly-haired’s heart. Who would deserve it so much more than himself. 

“Is it the tummy?” He mused, not realizing he was speaking out loud until Harry let out a raw chuckle.  
“Yes” He agreed, reaching over to press a hand on it. “It’s your tummy. And it’s your cheekbones. And the way your eyelashes brush them when you look down. And your eyes, how bright they shine” He poked the other’s cheek, forcing a smile out of him. “And your gorgeous smile” he added. “Sorry for my lashing out...”  
“s’fine” Louis nodded. “I get it”  
“Can I make it better?” Harry inquired, inching closer.  
“Yeah I’ve got an idea” Louis winked and leaned forward, their lips softly brushing. “Get an A on tomorrow’s test”  
“Idiot” Harry rolled his eyes as Louis laughed, getting on his feet and back to the desk chair.  
“Work, babe” He ordered and returned to his own studying, hands twitching and lip trembling. He understood, of course he did. But it didn’t mean it hurt any less.

 

“You really have to go now” Louis pulled away from the kiss reluctantly. “Go. I’ll see you tomorrow” He smiled.  
“Just a last one for the road” Harry pulled him back, pecking his lips gently.  
“What road?” Louis mocked. “Go, I’ll see you in less than five minutes” He smiled and Harry was about to pull him back in, but the feather-haired boy had opened the bedroom door.  
“Alright” Harry sighed and grabbed his bag from the ground and skipped downstairs, Louis following quietly. They hugged on the doorstep once the Leeds’ born boy was fully dressed in his winter attire. They parted without another word and Louis practically ran back up the stairs, opening the blinds and settling on the window seat, waiting for Harry to get inside. He could get used to this. He really wish he would get to make the best of their time together before they got ripped apart. Just wished it wouldn’t happen soon.

~~~

“Hi” Harry grinned as Louis’s mum opened the door of their house. “Is Boo home?”  
“Yes, he’s upstairs” she nodded, letting him inside. “Dinner will be ready soon, I’ll call you”  
“Thank you” He smiled and dashed up the stairs, running straight to Louis’s room. He made sure to close the door behind him. Louis was laying in bed, listening to his iPod, eyes shut, humming along quietly. Harry bit his lip and stepped toward the bed as quietly as he could before jumping on him, tickling his sides and laughing along as Louis squirmed, trying to get away while he laughed at the tickles.  
“Hello” Harry chuckled, a few minutes later, rolling over so he was on his side on Louis’s left.  
“Hey” Louis said breathlessly, still staring up at the ceiling. “What brings the honour?”  
“I have something for you” Harry smiled excitedly and sat up, cross-legged. “Sit up” he ordered and Louis obeyed.  
“What is it?” He raised his eyebrows.  
“Okay well, it’s an early christmas gift. Since it’s next week, I arranged with both our parents that we’d go spend both christmas and New Year in Leeds” He grinned proudly.  
“You mean, all eight of us?” Louis gaped. “Like your parents and mines and my sisters?”  
“No, I mean us. You and I. Just us two” Harry giggled. “They agreed because I pulled out the ‘we might not be at the same UNI next year’ card, and the ‘it’s now or never’. And they agreed!” He cheered.  
“So we’re going to Leeds?” Louis stared at him with round eyes. “Like, us, together. Alone. In Leeds?”  
“Yes” Harry nodded. “Are you happy?”  
“Duh!” Louis exclaimed, throwing his arms around Harry’s neck to pull him into a strong embrace. “Thank you so much!” He muttered as he buried his face in the other’s neck, pressing kisses there gently.  
“Glad you like it” Harry smiled, rubbing the other’s back. “We’re leaving right after school’s over on thursday”  
“We need to pack!” Louis gasped, pulling away. “And go get food and stuff!”  
“Relax pretty boy it’s all taken care of. You just get yourself some pretty little christmas jumpers and your snow garments, so we can go play outside”  
“Alright” Louis bit his lip. “Thanks” He tugged on the front of Harry’s shirt, pulling him closer to make their lips meet softly.  
Harry smiled into the kiss, holding Louis close. “Anytime” 

 

Louis looked down the hall, where he knew Harry was to appear any second now. They were off for winter vacation, and that meant they were to leave on their road trip up to Leeds and Louis was buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he spotted Harry coming his way, a few of the football guys trailing behind, caught in a seemingly important conversation. It all faded out when Harry laid his eyes on Louis. 

“Merry Christmas guys!” He called to his friends, quickening his pace to reach Louis. “Ready to go?” He smiled broadly, grabbing his own coat in the locker.  
“As I’ll ever be” Louis nodded surely, and they were off to Harry’s dad’s car he’d agreed to lend them. they squealed like young girls as they jumped into the car, putting in the ignition and pulling outside of the school parking lot and to the highway. Louis plugged in his iPod, letting The Fray fill in the air. 

They drove in quiet for a while, enjoying the familiar landscape pass by. They used to go up to Leeds every summer, or at least tried to. It was Harry’s parents’ country home, back in where they grew up. They wanted their son to have something to turn back to, family and a place to go. And their generosity extended to the point where they took Louis along for most of those trips, so that Harry wouldn’t get lonely.  
No phone service unless you used the landline, no telly or internet. Just the raw nature surrounding them, drowning everything out.  
The cottage was nice: it was a small place, three bedrooms and two baths. It was in the middle of a field, with a small wood behind. A river ran down south, and they loved to go there as kids, sitting on the rocks and throwing small pebbles in the water, watching them sink. The place itself was a bit eerie when you thought of it. Something that would fit perfectly in an horror movie. One of those where those stupid teenagers are going on a senior year trip and ended up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, no neighbors for miles, cut from the world. Screams wouldn’t be heard. 

And yet when Louis thought of the small brown brick building with bright blue shutters and the blinding yellow front door, he couldn’t find it in himself to be scared.  
“want to stop somewhere?” Harry asked, turning dow the volume of the stereo.  
“Where we at?” Louis yawned.  
“Sheffield” Harry shrugged and switched lanes. “Are you hungry?”  
“Yes. Starving” Louis moaned, earning a chuckle from the other.  
“We still have less than an hour to go” Harry informed him. “Let’s just stop at a McDonalds or something, ‘right?”  
“Anything” Louis nodded eagerly. “Can’t wait to get there”  
“I know” Harry reached between to link their hands together as he pulled out of the highway and found the nearest fast food restaurant he could find.  
“Come on babe” He smiled and cut the ignition, unbuckling.  
“Wait. Can we, like... Since no one knows us here and all...” He looked up at Harry questioningly. “Maybe...”  
“Sure” Harry nodded. “Come on now, we’re going to die of starvation”  
Louis couldn’t help the blush that crept on his cheeks as he followed Harry inside the restaurant and headed to the counter. He squinted his eyes, trying to read the board.  
“Babe what’s on it? I left my glasses in the car...” He turned to Harry, his nose scrunched up in frustration.  
“Just hamburgers... Oh, chicken filets” Harry filled in. “And they even have milkshakes”  
“What are you having?” Louis asked, eyeing his best friend. Or should he say boyfriend? They hadn’t really discussed it, and frankly he didn’t care. Why label? If they liked each other a lot, they did. Why put a name on something for other people when they didn’t even what it was themselves?  
“I’m having a BigMac and a milkshake” Harry nodded and then stepped forward to the attendant, giving out his order. “Louis?”  
“Yeah, same as you” He shrugged, giving up on trying to read the menu.  
“Alright make it twice” Harry smiled to the girl who giggled her reply, punching in their order and accepting the money the curly haired was offering. They waited for the food to make its way to the front counter, laughing and poking each other’s sides, trying to ignore the thought of how much grease and empty calories they were going to shove down their own throat.  
“You’d think it’s a torture technic!” Louis chuckled as the girl walked back with their food on trays.  
“Bon Appetit!” She grinned and they thanked her before finding a booth in the back, sliding in facing each other.  
“You have mustard here” Harry pointed to the corner of his own mouth.  
“Where, here?” Louis’s tongue darted out, trying to get rid of the yellow goo.  
“No, here” the green eyed rolled his eyes and reached forward, wiping it away with his own thumb. “Good” he winked, sucking it off.  
“Idiot” Louis grumbled and returned to his food, eyes rolling back into their orbs as it filled him, even if only momentarily, it was still food. And carbs but mostly food.  
“Ready to go?” Harry wiped his own mouth to erase any evidence of their moment of weakness, and shot a bright smile over to Louis.  
“Yes” Louis chucked a chip over to Harry with a laugh.  
“Wasting food!” Harry gasped, faking to be offended. “You should get punished!”  
“Ha, What are you gonna do?” Louis threw another, then a third with a smirk on his lips.  
“Stop!” Harry whined. “Poor potatoes!”  
“Yeah yeah” the shorter boy rolled his eyes. “Here” He brought one to Harry’s mouth. “Eat up pretty boy”  
“You know I get weak at the knees when you call me pretty boy. Stop” Harry scolded but ate the chip anyway.  
“I like it. You’re like putty in my hands” Louis mocked, getting to his feet. He went to pick up his tray when he suddenly wasn’t on the ground anymore, and he was faced with the small of Harry’s back.  
“Let me down!” He shrieked, thrashing a bit, flailing his legs.  
“Now would you please stop this unless you want me with a broken nose” Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed both their trays to throw them away while Louis giggled nervously.  
“Okay now, jokes over, let me down H” He begged, tugging on his shirt.  
“But where would be the fun in that?” Harry shook his head and started tickling Louis, who was now laughing manically, trying to catch his breath seeing as he was upside down. Harry kept on the attacks while he walked out to the car, finally setting his friend in the passenger seat.  
“There, princess” He smirked and leaned down to peck his lips softly.  
“I hate you” Louis panted, still high from laughing.  
“Sure you do” Harry agreed and winked before walking around the car and sliding behind the wheel.  
“Ready to finally get there?” He asked, pulling out of the parking as Louis was still trying to catch his breath.  
“Yeah” He managed to choke out. 

The place was exactly like they’d imagined. It was the same as they left it, with a bit more grass and wildflowers, but it only made it more perfect and precious. They brought all of their bags inside, and stocked the food into the fridge and pantry.  
“Shower, then fire” Harry declared as he shut the pantry’s door, signalling their exhausting task was over.  
“I’ll get the fire ready” Louis agreed and smiled as he followed Harry upstairs with his eyes before finding his way to the living room and dragging a few logs and pulling out some newspapers to help light the fire. It took his the best of ten minutes but it was a good one, and if they watched it carefully it could last all night with a few well placed logs. He put on the kettle and set out a few blankets over the couch facing the fireplace. Harry was getting dressed upstairs: he could hear it clearly, the walls being paper thin. He pulled out two mugs and placed pouches of Yorkshire tea in them, waiting for the water to be ready.  
“You’re the best!” He heard Harry call from the living room and chuckled lowly as the kettle hissed. He poured the water in the mugs and added what Harry wanted in his own, before returning to the living room where the other was already settled, sprawled out on the couch. He raised his eyebrow as he handed the mug.  
“And where am I supposed to sit?” He asked, praying the Lord Harry didn’t really want him to get in the armchair closer to the fire.  
“On me” The other shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the entire world.  
“What?”  
“You lay on top of me. We cuddle and fall asleep as the fire burns out. It’s romantic!” Harry defended. Louis looked at him fondly and climbed into his spot, settling the cups aside, somewhere they couldn’t get knocked off.  
“Hopeless romantic you are” He sighed dramatically.  
“You like it though” the other fluttered his eyelashes innocently.  
“Wanker” Louis laughed and rested his head on the other’s shoulder, feeling his arms wrap around his narrow waist, holding him close. He reached up with his free hand and pulled a blanket above them, snuggling deeper into his friend’s chest.  
“I’m knackered...” He whined quietly, stifling a yawn.  
“Then go to sleep babe. I’ve got you” Harry pressed a kiss to his temple and if Louis’s heart melt yet, it definitely had known as he felt love and warmth irradiate from the boy beneath.  
“Night” He pressed a lazy kiss to Harry’s neck and shut his eyes, falling into deep slumber almost instantly. 

The week went by quickly, they played in the snow a lot and Louis had brought a lot of books along so they frequently just settled down on the couch, feet entwined in the middle, lost in their own little world of words and adventures.  
“Babe have you seen my blue jumper?” Louis called down the stairs.  
“In the top right drawer” Harry replied as he finished setting up the table for the new years’ eve dinner. He pu down the wine glasses and grinned proudly before going to the oven to check on the small rose-beef he’d prepared.  
“Smells amazing” Louis gushed, walking inside.  
“Thanks” The other nodded and pulled out the meat from the oven and set it on the counter. “It’s ready”  
“Thank god, I’m starving!” the blue eyed chuckled and dropped on his chair while Harry served them and brought the plates to the table.  
“A man after my own heart!” He sighed as he saw the food.  
“I was hoping I already had it” Harry winked, pecking his lips before taking his own seat.  
“Corny” Louis accused with a smirk. “Bon appetite”  
“You too” Harry dove right into his food and Louis followed. 

They washed the dishes together, well Louis did mostly whilst Harry sat on the counter babbling about something he’d read recently, the other only half-listening as he busied himself.  
“And then you had that guy, who you thought was one of the nice ones at the beginning, and then you realize he’s one of the really bad ones, and hi girlfriend is totally oblivious to it, but she’s getting attacked and they’re basically targeting her and her friends!” He went out, sounding more and more outraged as he went on.  
“Harry?” Louis planted himself in front of the other, both hands on his knees. The curly haired stopped talking and looked down at his boyfriend.  
“What?”  
“Shut up” the lad shook his head with a laugh.  
“Hey!” The other pretended to be offended.  
“Stop it” He pulled him off the counter. “It’s late and it’s going to be the countdown soon” He tugged him toward the living room, starting up a fire and then snuggling together on the couch, phones in hands to have the exact time.  
“It’s been... eventful, these last few months” Louis mused.  
“I know. But we survived didn’t we? And the next year will be better. I promise” Harry pressed his lips against Louis’s temple.  
“As long as I got you” the blue eyed nudged his mate. “right?”  
“Forever” Harry agreed.  
“Good” He closed his eyes and rested his head int Harry’s lap. “Wake me up when it’s close to midnight yeah?”  
“Falling asleep on me now?” Harry gasped.  
“Then talk to me” Louis shrugged, looking up.  
“I was, but you told me to shut up, remember?”  
“About you. Talk to me about you, not that stupid TV show” Louis rolled his eyes.  
“You know me. You know everything you could ever want to know” Harry chuckled. “I’ve got no secrets left!”  
“S’fine, you’ve got one still” Louis reached up to cup his jaw and pull him down for a quick snog.  
“You have to stop doing that” the boy with the green eyes sighed.  
“Doing what? that?” he pecked him once more.  
“Yes! It’s like, addicting or something. I can’t get enough, I just want more!”  
“So do I, so it’s not really that bad is it?” Louis winked and settled back.  
“Yeah yeah” 

They bantered back and forth for a little while and before they knew it, it was close to turning midnight. Louis straightened up and they put out the fire before going up to the bedroom they were sharing. They still had half an hour to go but they got into their pyjamas and crawled under the thick covers, cuddling in the middle, looking for all the warmth they could get.  
“have you picked any resolution?” Harry questioned.  
“As if. I was thinking, enjoy my beautiful boyfriend some more” He giggled. “You?”  
“Find the strength I need...” He murmured, toying with the sleeve of Louis’s shirt. The latter’s breath hitched in his throat.  
“I’ll be happy no matter what you decide... As long as we’re not shamed, it’s okay with me if we don’t tell anyone whilst still in high school... I get it” He gripped Harry’s hips.  
“I want to do it for you, but just give me time” Harry smiled sadly.  
“Take all the time you need” Louis agreed and kissed him slowly.  
“It’s almost time...” Harry checked his phone. “Two minutes to go...”  
“I’m glad you arranged this for us, you know?” Louis whispered. “I couldn’t have wished for a better way to start the new year”  
“Me neither” Harry agreed. “It’s not that I didn’t want to be with my parents... it’s just that I wanted a midnight kiss” he winked.  
“Sneaky, but clever” Louis approved. “H?”  
“Yes?”  
“I ... How much to go still?” he caught himself in time.  
“Forty five seconds”  
“Alright...”  
They waited, staring at the screen, for it to be down to ten seconds.  “Ten, nine, eight, seven” they counted down together. “Six, five four, three, two... one!” They cheered weakly, before Louis pulled Harry into an intense kiss. He pulled back a few moments later, resting their foreheads together.  
“I love you” He whispered, holding Harry close.  
“I love you too” The other smiled softly. He really did. 

~~~

“I’ll see you after practice alright?” Louis promised, pecking Harry’s lips softly.  
“hmm” The taller boy agreed. “See you”  
“Bye” The blue eyed boy smiled and turned away, practically skipping down the empty hallway. Harry turned and entered the locker room with a dreamy smile playing on his lips.  
Ever since they’d gotten back from Leeds, everything was going great: They got to spend as much time as they wanted together without anyone suspecting anything.  
“You look like you were just promised to get laid tonight” one of the guys smirked.  
“Sod off” Harry rolled his eyes and dropped his bag on the bench in front of his locker, opening the grey, dull looking door to reveal the pictures that were plastered all over the inside.  
“So you are getting laid?” Josh laughed loudly.  
“Congrats mate. S’been a while since you got some action”  
“Yeah, if we didn’t know better we’d think you turned gay” James mocked.  
“You lot are nut jobs” Harry rolled his eyes and started stripping to get changed into his training gear.  
“Yeah well we haven’t heard any of your stories in months!”  
“”And you miss that? Guys all it ever did was show you how much better than you I actually am”  
“sweeties” Mike tutted and wrapped an arm around him like he was about to tell him a story. “I have been with the same girl for the pas two years. I am getting some action”  
“Must be getting dull” Harry mocked.  
“Never” Mike beamed.  
“I’m impressed now Mikey” Tom whistled. “How come we never hear any of it?”  
“She threatened to cut my balls off if I tell you bastards anything”  
“Feisty” Harry approved.  
“She’s great, unlike you pervs”  
“You love us” Harry sing songed as he tied his cleats.  
“stop that or people might think we’re gay” Nick chuckled.  
“So?” Harry snapped. “Nothing wrong with it”  
“Harry, it’s wrong and disgusting and gross” James rolled his eyes.  
“Whatever” The curly haired groaned and jogged out onto the interior field, the words his supposed friends had just uttered ringing loud and clear in his ears.  
‘Gay’ ‘Wrong’ ‘Disgusting’ . 

At the end of practice they all went back to the locker rook, exhausted and sweaty but pumped up and ready as ever for the night that was coming. Louis was waiting in front of Harry’s locker as usual, iPod plugged in and a worn out book in his hands as he ran through the pages he knew by heart.  
“Hey there” Harry pulled out the earbuds.  
“Hiya” Louis chirped as the other guys called out their greetings on their way to the showers. Harry was last in and Louis took the time to set out his clean clothes on the bench properly.  
“Did you know that Harry’s getting laid tonight?” Mike chuckled as he re-entered the locker section.  
“Is he?” Louis bit his lip. “Wasn’t quite aware, no”  
“So you don’t know who it is?”  
“Can’t help you. But I’ll tell you if I find out” Louis promised.  
“Cheers mate” Mike patted his shoulder before turning to get dressed. Louis smiled tightly as the rest of the guys exited the shower room and got ready for their friday night out.  
“You two are like a married couple” James teased as he spotted Harry’s clothes set out on the bench.  
“You’re just jealous I don’t do it for you too” Louis snorted, making the other laugh.  
“You wish! See you later” he ruffled the smaller boy’s hair before leaving the locker room with a wave and just like that, Harry and Louis were all alone, with Harry still in the shower. When he got out, two minutes later, he wrapped a towel tightly around his waist and returned to Louis who smiled softly.  
“We’re alone”  
“Good” Harry nodded and got dressed quickly.  
“Are you okay?” Louis enquired.  
“Yeah” The other boy forced out a smile.  
“No you’re not” The blue eyes shook his head.  
“Let’s just go home” Harry grabbed his bag and slung it carelessly over his shoulder.  
“Sure” Louis reached out to hug the other quickly. “Come on” He tugged at his hand to walk out of the locker room before letting go. Louis walked beside him, unsure as how to act. Had Harry hurt himself during practice? surely someone would have said something if that was the case. Did something happen? The two had been apart for the best of two hours. A lot and yet so little could happen in two hours.  
“Did you hurt yourself?” He blurted out.  
“What?” Harry frowned. “No, why?”  
“I just... You’re acting weird so I thought...”  
“We’re home” Harry cut him off. “Are your parents home?”  Louis shook his head. “Manchester for three days, Dad’s work” He explained.  
“So what are we waiting for ?” Harry asked playfully.  
“Come on” The small boy rolled his eyes and turned to walk over to his front door, unlocking the door, and letting them both inside before locking it again.  
“Better” The curly haired grinned and pulled the other for a kiss.  
“Much” Louis approved and kissed him back.  
“How long do we have?” Harry asked, kissing Louis’s neck gently.  
“Sunday night” He muttered, dipping his head to allow more space.  
“Let’s go upstairs” Harry muttered into the hot skin.  
“Sure” Louis guided them both to his bedroom and made sure to pull the blinds before joining Harry on the bed, sitting crossed-legs in front of him.  
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly. The only light in the room was from the small lamp on his desk that was dying, barely casting shadows over their skins.  
“Just hold me” Harry whispered brokenly in the dark, tugging at the other’s arms, pulling him down beside him. “Just hold me...”  
And Louis did just that. Because sometimes silence speak louder than words. Words aren’t needed to understand the pain coming from your other half: you just know they hurt and you try your best to help them through. And the best you can ever do is not say anything. Just comfort them by your presence, the warmth your body can provide. the semblance of security, that everything is okay even though it’s not. The one thing people need the most but are afraid to talk about: afraid to put into words because then it becomes real and they can’t afford that. They can’t afford the pain, the hurt, the bleeding to be real because then you need to deal with it, something very few people enjoy. So by not saying the words, they can pretend, if only just for a few hours, that it’s not true. That it’s all a dream, a nightmare they can get rid of just by waking up. It is one of the main things why silence is important in times like this: because then it makes it right even though it’s wrong. It heals the wound with a bit of pomade. Drowns it, numbs it for a little while. We all need that every once in a while. To be numb, to not feel anything. The be okay. 

They stayed like that for a little while, a few hours even, not speaking, not uttering a single word. The only reason they moved was to go get something to eat in the kitchen. Louis guided the blank-faced Harry down to the kitchen and sat him at the bar before getting bread and sliced cheese out to make some grilled-cheese.  
You know you can tell me anything right?” He said softly as he flipped the sandwich in the pan.  
“Yeah” Harry swallowed the lump in his throat.  
“Alright” Louis added simply, focusing on the task at hand.  
“They just... I shouldn’t let it get to me. That’s all” Harry sighed.  
“What did they say?” Louis enquired lightly, slipping the sandwich in Harry’s plate.  
“That what we’re doing is wrong and disgusting..” Harry whispered, looking down at his meal. Louis tightened his grip on the handle of the pan and set it down, forcing himself to release it.  
“They’re wrong” He said quietly.  
“I know that I just... It’s so complicated! Why do we keep doing this if we know it’s wrong an disgusting and gross?!”  
“Harry!” Louis scowled, turning around. “It’s okay. It might be wrong for everyone else but it’s perfectly right for us . I love you. I love you and I am not letting some fucking idiots ruin what we’ve built together because they’re a bunch of homophobic assholes!”  
Harry couldn’t hold back the small fond smile at the small rant. “I love you too” He said softly. “I’m sorry... I ... I need to... I’m sorry” He reached across the counter to grab Louis’s hand. “I really am”  
“Don’t be... I’m just mad because everyone keeps telling us it’s not okay and it’s gross but I don’t see it! I just.. I love holding you in my arms and I love cuddling into your chest and kissing you and holding your hand and having tickle fights and I love the way you get all giggly when I say that I love you!”  
“And I love that too” Harry promised. “I am not going anywhere without you. I swear. You’re my everything now”  
“Why are we so... we’ve only just started being together... a few months ago and now we’re just... so committed..” Louis mused, walking around the corner to stand in front of Harry.  
“That’s because we’re the best of friends. We already knew each other before starting everything... We know everything about each other. So we didn’t have that super long time, mostly awkward, of getting to know each other. we could jump right in the good stuff”  
“So getting to know me isn’t fun?” Louis teased.  
“Oh it is, trust me” Harry kissed him gently. “But I got a lifetime of doing it and a lifetime of learning even more ahead of me”  
“You’re amazing” Louis praised. “Definitely know how to sweet talk”  
“Only for you” Harry promised. “I wouldn’t do it for anybody else”  
“Good. I don’t want you doing it for anybody else either. All mine” He poked Harry’s cheeks. “All of it...”  
“Yes” Harry approved with a smile. “Everything. Just as long as you’re mine”  
“Forever” Louis winked. “Forever and always” He pulled him into a deep kiss.  
“Good” He whispered into the kiss. 

~~~

“Are you sure?” Louis asked as he walked down the hallway. “I don’t want to intrude”  
“Dumbass” Harry rolled his eyes. “You know you’re allowed to drop by the footie parties. You’re practically a part of the team, except you don’t play footie” He chuckled.  
“Alright then. But only if you wear the blue jumper” He grinned.  
“Deal” Harry agreed. “Look I have to get going but I’ll see you tonight before the party? You should drop by my house around eight and we can go together”  
“I’ll be there” Louis nodded. “Now go!”  
“Alright” Harry laughed and turned around, running down the hall toward his math class. Why he always insisted onto walking Louis to his french class always left him dumbfounded seeing as it was on the complete opposite side of the school, but he appreciated the gesture - as friends. Always as friends whenever it came to outside of their houses. But it was still nice to just walk and talk normally without anyone thinking there was another side, another aspect of their relationship that they explored much, much deeper whenever the doors closed in on them and gave them that little sphere of quiet, that little bubble empty of worries and fright. 

Louis walked home by himself that night: his mother had asked of him to be home so he could help out with dinner and what woman wants woman gets, as his dad always said. He had no choice but to oblige and go home.  
“Mum?” He called as he toed off his shoes and took off his coat. “I’m home”  
“In the kitchen” was the simple reply he got, and he headed straight for the said room only to find her sitting at the kitchen table, sipping her tea quietly and flipping the pages of a rubbish magazine. “Hi” She looked up and smiled gently. “How was school?”  
“Was good” He shrugged. “Quite boring to be honest but we had fun in history”  
“I’m glad” She nodded at the chair in front of her. “Sit down. We haven’t talked in a while”  
Louis hummed in response and did as told, taking a seat.  
“What’s going on in your life?” She asked, leaning forward on her elbows. “Anything to share with me?”  
“Nothing” The blue eyed boy shook his head. “My life’s quite boring. I’m going out with Ed tonight, one of the guys is throwing a party. Does that count?”  
“Yes it totally does” She grinned. “Are there going to be girls?”  
“Yes..” Louis said slowly.  
“Any of them you like? that is your type?” She enquired innocently.  
“Christ’s mum!” Louis cried out. “Just don’t go there please!” He rubbed his temples.  
“What? I’m just asking! You’re seventeen and I’d like to know if my son intends onto becoming active with a girl” She raised her hands in defense.  “No. Just, don’t. I can assure you I don’t plan onto getting active with a girl for a very, very long time” He said clearly.  
“Don’t stop yourself, love” She patted his hand gently. “But it’s lovely if you’re waiting for marriage”  
“No I’m not mum can you just stop? this is embarrassing” He shuddered.  
“You’re the only one embarrassed here” She shrugged. “I just want to make sure you know the consequences and that you protect yourself”  
“Okay. Fine. I can promise you I will not get a girl pregnant. I swear. And I will use protection” He muttered.  
“Good. Now let’s get dinner ready” She got to her feet swiftly and headed to grab her apron. “Chop chop Louis!” she clapped her hands at him.  “Coming” He mumbled and shook his head a little before getting up and following her. 

When seven thirty rolled around, Louis was fidgety and just wanted it to be eight already so that he could go over to Harry’s. He headed down to the living room trying to look as if he was casual about the whole ordeal, and a single look at him mum had him pulling on his boots and coat, claiming he’d just received a text from Harry asking him to come over early. He called out a quick farewell and exited the house, crossing the yard over to Harry’s house and knocked on the door.  
“Oh hi Louis!” Anne cooed, letting him in. “Harry’s in his room” She kissed his cheek gently before returning to the living room where her husband was waiting, with a wine glass in hand. It was a typical friday night.  
Louis ran up the stairs as quietly as he could and headed over to Harry’s room, and stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a soft tune coming out through the closed door. He leaned in and pressed his ear against the door, listening to Harry’s beautiful voice filling the silence, broken by the sharp but nice notes of the piano. 

 

“It's just a drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
Its like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven

Misplaced trust and old friends  
Never counting regrets  
By the grace of God I do not rest at all

New England as the leaves change  
The last excuse that I'll claim  
I was a boy who loved a women like a little girl

And still I cant let you be  
Most nights I hardly sleep  
Don't take what you don't need from me

It's just a drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my

Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore  
No  
No  
Heaven doesn't seem far away

Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore  
No  
No  
Heaven doesn't seem far away  
Oh  
Oh

A drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven  
You are my heaven”

 

His breath caught in his throat as he listened to the lyrics mix in perfectly with the raspy tune. He took a few breaths once it died down, waiting to see if Harry would pick up something else or would go and start getting ready. After two minutes of silence coming from the other side, Louis took upon himself and opened the door softly with a smile.  “Hey” He whispered, and Harry almost snapped his neck at the speed he turned his head, eyes wide opened like a deer in the headlights. “It was amazing” He praised softly, shutting the door behind.  
“You... You were listening?” Harry’s bottom lip wobbled a little. “You weren’t... I didn’t know you were there...”  “I know SOrry for eaves dropping. It just.. It was amazing, H. Absolutely perfect” He slid on the piano stool beside him, taking his hand gently.  
“It’s fine... I just never really expected to have you hear it that’s all...”  
“It’s all good” He smiled reassuringly and kissed him gently. “I love you”  
“I love you too” Harry sighed and held him tighter. “Ready to go?”  
“Yes” 

The party went on for a little while, and they got to Louis’s house around two thirty in the morning. They were giggling as they climbed up the stairs to his bedroom, where they stripped down to their boxer briefs and slid under the bedsheet, cuddling one another. Harry was the first one out of it, leaving Louis with his own thoughts. He thought about Harry, and his music and his singing.

We all have something, that one thing we don’t share with anyone else. That one thing we keep close to our heart and don’t let go of, no matter what, because it gives control. It’s not that we can’t share it: we could, easily. It’s just we don’t want to. Because telling someone else about it, letting someone in close enough that they can have a hold upon that one thing that keeps us together, the glue to ourselves, is scary. We get scared of letting people in. Doesn’t everyone want to be in control? Of course. Control upon our own lives, because it isn’t ours if we give up the power. So we keep that one thing to ourselves. Don’t let anyone else know about it, enjoy it as much as we do, because we’re frightened.  
And that was Harry’s thing: he was afraid of his music. He was afraid to tell people because it was so important. Everything revolved around music, and if he let anyone else in close enough to get a hold on it, then they could break him. They could use it against him and destroy everything he was with it.  
He was afraid of Louis. He was afraid of being so close to someone, being so real and vulnerable. Because no one ever wants to be vulnerable. But you need to be, every once in a while. Everybody needs to feel vulnerable at some point so that they can understand the real value of everything.  
That night Harry had been vulnerable at Louis’s impromptu early-appearance. He had given Louis a piece of himself he was the most scared of letting go.  
“I love you” Louis whispered into the other’s hair softly as he fell asleep. 

~~~

“you look great babe” Louis assured, straightening his collar gently.  
“I’m just .. nervous” Harry smiled weakly.  
“It’ll be okay, I promise” the smaller boy squeezed his shoulders.  
“I trust you Boo”  
“Good. I’m not going anywhere” He kissed him gently.  
“I love you” Harry sighed.  
“I love you too. Ready?”  
“No, but fuck it”  
“You sound like Chris” Louis chuckled.  
“Promise we’ll have a ‘skins’ marathon?”  
“Anything you want” Louis giggled.  
“Then let’s go” Harry let out a shaky breath .  
“Alright” Louis tugged him gently toward the door.  
“You’re not going to leave me right?” The curly haired lad asked nervously.  
“Never” Louis smiled.  
“And it’s all going to be worth it?”  
“Every single second” Louis said solemnly.  
“Okay” Harry took in a deep breath. “Go”

Louis hugged him gently before walking out of the room with Harry on his heels. They headed straight for the kitchen where Harry’s parents were getting dinner ready.  
“You guys look dapper” Anne smiled as she checked the meat in the oven.  
“thank you. You look amazing as well” Louis grinned while Harry got himself a glass of water. Louis watched him softly.  
“Food’s almost ready” Anne smiled. “You should go get seated”  
“Sure” Louis grabbed Harry’s arm gently to pull him toward the dining room where the table was set. They settled in their respective seats, feet touching under the table.  “I feel like I’m going to vomit” Harry admitted weakly.  
“It’ll be fine” Louis reassured. “I’m right here” 

Harry was about to reply when his parents entered the room, setting the food on the table. They sat in front of each other and smiled before Harry’s dad started serving the meat to everyone. They all filled their plates and waited for the other three to be done before diving in, ‘bon appetite’ called from behind full forks. Louis kept his eyes on Harry, who didn’t eat, just picked aimlessly at his food. He nudged his foot gently, surprising Harry out of his reverie, who dropped his fork in a loud clatter. He looked over at Louis and took a deep breath.  
“Mum? Dad?” He asked weakly.  
“Yes love?” Anne smiled softly at her son.  
“I have... We have something to tell you”  
“Go on” He dad leaned forward, resting his elbow on the table, an intrigued look on his face.  
“I ... you love me right? No matter what?”  
“Of course Harry. We’ll always love you no matter what happens” his mum assured.  
“Okay” He locked eyes with Louis and took a deep breath. “I’m... I’m gay” He whispered. “And Louis and I are together”  
Louis reached out to take Harry’s hand in his own, rubbing the back of it softly with his thumb as they waited for the outburst, or any kind of reaction really. But there was nothing, only blank as they seemed frozen in time, their gaze holding one another’s. Louis could feel the tension building in the room, and Harry could too if his shaking was anything to go by. He looked at Louis, who was helpless, with distressed eyes.  
His mum’s mouth was slack and his dad’s face was hard, his jaw clenched tightly.  
“I’m sorry...” Harry muttered lowly, clearly biting back tears. “I’m so sorry...”  
“How long?” His mum asked quietly.  
“A few months” Louis replied steadily.  
“Who knows?”  
“Just us”  
“Don’t your parents know?”  
“We.. We were planning on telling them later tonight” Louis said quietly.  
“This is rubbish” Harry’s dad finally spoke up. “Neither of you are gay. H, you’re with that Charlie girl and Louis you’re with Hanna”  
“Dad..” Harry whimpered.  
“My son is not gay” He shook his head.  
“Dad!”  
“I said no” His voice was stern.  
“It’s not something you have a say in!” Harry protested. “And neither do I! It just is”  
“It’s not true. You are deluding yourselves”  
“With all due respect, we took quite a long time coming to terms with it ourselves..” Louis jumped in.  
“He’s not gay” Harry’s dad hissed, narrowing his eyes. “Neither are you”  
“Fucking hell dad! Okay I might not be fully gay but I sure as hell am in love with Louis!”  
“No you’re not. You’re fooling yourself into thinking you’re in love with your best friend but that’s all he is. A best friend”  
“Are you really that thick?! I know you think it’s wrong but it really isn’t! It’s great and we make each other happy. You always told me love is love. So what if it’s a guy?! I love him!”  
“You’re too young to know what love is”  
“Maybe, but it sure as fucking hell seems like it!” Harry leaped to his feet. “Let’s go”  
Louis sighed and followed Harry toward the front door. “Do yoou still want to tell my parents?” He asked quietly.  
“They can’t react as bad as mines just did” Harry said tightly, struggling to put his coat and boots on.  
“Alright” Louis nodded softly and got dressed. “H?”  
“What?” The other snapped before biting his lip.  
“I love you” Louis took his hand. “It’ll be fine”  
“I know” He whispered and squeezed his boyfriend’s hand.  
“Let’s go then” Louis guided him outside the house. They didn’t utter a word as they crossed their front yards. They stopped in front of Louis" house and shared a look before opening the door and stepping inside. 

“Boys?” Jay called.”Is that you?”  
“Yeah it’s us” Louis called back as they took off their outdoor clothes.  
“Weren’t you supposed to be having dinner at Harry's?” She asked, a frown obvious in her tone.  
“Hmm yeah it was cut short” Louis bit his lip as he and Harry made their way to where his parents sat in the living room.  
“Did it? is everything okay?” she glanced worriedly at them.  
“Yeah it’s fine” Harry smiled weakly. Louis squeezed his shoulder as they sat on the couch across from the one occupied by his parents.  
“Great” His mum said cheerfully.  
“Mum ... dad... You love me right?” Louis asked softly.  
“Of course we do” His father laughed as he sipped his tea.  “I... I’m in love with someone”  
“That’s great his boo” He could see his mum fighting to contain her cries of glee.  
“They’re amazing... They make me laugh and get butterflies in my stomach and they make me the happiest I’ve ever been...”  
“What’s her name?” Jay leaned forward excitedly.  
“That’s the thing” He bit his lip. “It’s a him”  
“What?” She frowned, confused.  
“I’m in love with a guy” He looked over at Harry. “And he’s my best friend and he’s amazing”  
“What’s .. his name then?” She asked carefully.  
“Harry” Louis grabbed the other’s hand without breaking their eye contact.  
“Wait” His dad jumped in. “Are the two of you... together?”  
“Yeah.. He’s mine, I’m his... It’d mean the world if you supported us or at least just not be totally against the idea because I don’t think we could handle all four of our parents refusing the fact that we’re together..” Louis had to stop himself before he started crying.  
“Oh my babies..” Jay brought a hand to her mouth.  
“Please just say it’s okay...” Harry begged softly. “Please just say it’s fine, that it’s going to be alright..”  
“Of course!” Louis’s dad set his cup aside and got to his feet to go kneel in front of the two boys. “Of course boys it’s going to be fine. As long as you’re sure then it’s going to be okay” He promised as Jay reached out for them, pulling Louis into a tight hug before doing the same with Harry.  “we love you so much you babies.. I guess we’re just a bit... shocked” She apologized with a soft laugh as she wiped her stray tears away. “I’m proud of you boys”  
“Thank you” Louis choked out and Harry could feel his own tears running down his cheeks. How couldn’t it have gone the same way at his own house with his own parents? Why were Louis’s parent so nice and loving and caring whilst his were just incapable of even accepting the fact that their only son was in love? but no.. It mattered too much what belonged into the other’s pants because they couldn’t see past it. And it’s not like it was with some random stranger. It was his friend: his best friend who they’d known for as long as he’d lived and had gotten used to having around as much as they did their son. Louis was practically a part of Harry: why was it so surprising that something stronger had developed? Himself would have been surprised if he hadn’t grown any kind of feelings for him at some point; or thought he had.  
“H” Louis said softly to pull him out of his little moment. “Harry, do you want to play a board game? Mum and Dad said you could spend the night”  
“Oh, sure” Harry smiled softly and nodded. “That’s nice..”  
“I know. and guess what?” Louis said brightly.  
“What?” Harry raised an eyebrow. What could he possibly have missed?  
“I can kiss you anytime I like inside the house and we can cuddle while watching the movies and we can hold hands and we can’t share a bed anymore but that’ll come back in time”  
“They seriously think we’ll do anything while they’re here?” Harry chuckled, the absurdity of the situation finally catching up to him. They’d shared beds ever since they met. It had only became a habit to fall asleep into one another’s arms. Felt safer than any teddy bear or blanket could ever feel.  
“Might as well put up some rules. It’s not because you’re two boys that dating rules are automatically changing” Jay said brightly as she came back into the living room, followed by her husband who had the game in hand. She handed the two boys a mug of tea and helped to set up the board. Louis looked over at Harry and leaned in gently to kiss him quickly on the lips and pulled back with the brightest sparkle in his eyes Harry had ever seen, and he couldn’t help but grin brightly.  
“That is a sight that will need getting used to, but I don’t mind” Jay said fondly, making both boys blush deeply as they realized it was the first time anyone had seen them kiss.  
“They’re adorable and cute and blah blah now can we play?” Louis’s dad rolled his eyes only making the two boys’ laugh. They all gathered around the monopoly board set on the coffee table and spent the rest of their night doing laps around. The funniest was when Harry sent Louis’s dad to prison for the sixth time, and his dad was about to have a fit because he was a lap behind everyone. Then Louis knocked Harry off half his properties which had Louis’s dad in cackles at the offended look on Harry’s face. Jay kept calm the whole time, smiling fondly at all of her three boys around the table. She went and made more tea twice more before claiming it was late and that she wanted to go to bed. They wished her a goodnight with cheek kisses and hugs before resuming the game. It went on for another half hour before Louis’s dad landed once more in prison and decided he was tired of playing and that he wanted to go to bed. They chuckled and wished him goodnight before putting away the game and heading up to Louis’s room, shutting the door quietly behind them.  
“Shouldn’t I go to the guest room?” Harry asked worriedly as Louis started to strip to get into his pajamas.  
“I bet you ten pounds you don’t even know what color that room is” Louis rolled his eyes. “Don’t be silly, just get in bed”  
Harry bit his lip before letting out a sigh and stripping to his boxers before slipping under the sheets.  
“Hi” Louis said gently as their face lay centimeters away.  
“Hey” He smiled back before closing his eyes. “I’m glad we told your parents..”  
“I’m sorry your parents didn’t react like we thought” Louis reached out to cup Harry’s jaw and stoke his cheekbone gently. “It’s going to be fine though”  
“We keep saying that.. what if it doesn’t? get better?”  
“We’ll deal” Louis said softly but sternly and pressed a kiss to Harry’s forehead. “Just get some sleep”  
Harry nodded and buried his head in Louis’s shoulder, kissing it softly before he let sleep overpower him, and drag him down. 

~~~

It happened in a flash, really. He’d never have guessed something as such would land right there in his hands, as a perfect opportunity to stand up for himself and his boyfriend. The one way he could make sure everything was said and done the right way, the perfect way so that he had complete total control over.  
People dream of those opportunities their wholes lives. Run after them to their last breath, hoping it’d make a difference. Those people, what they should do is make things happen. Make it their own. Create opportunities for themselves and others. If everyone did as such, then it would be much simpler: each and every single one of them would get to pick which opportunity was the most advantageous for themselves and leave the other who were less profitable to those who would need it like air. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, innit? 

He looked down at the small flyer that sat on his desk. He could see Louis in his own room, reading on his bed while he pretended himself to be studying. But all he could do was look at the small paper, with torn edges and a rip going across it’s left side, filled with splatters of color, obviously made to look cheerful, but it looked morbid really. Still, the most important was the writing across it. it read: 

Talent Show!  
You can sing, dance, do magic tricks?  
Show us what you’ve got!  
auditions on thursday starting at six  
don’t miss out!

 

the text itself made him cringe, at how corny it sounded, but at least it got the point across. He needed to do it: show Louis just how much he cared how much he loved him and to what point he was willing to go so that they could be together and not be scared. That point was to admit, in front of the whole school, the entire football team and everyone’s relative that he was, in fact, in love with a boy. He wanted to shit himself just at the thought of standing in front of a full room with his friends from the team expecting some kind of fun song, or at least something he sung for the benefit of all the girls in the school that swooned over him as he walked past them in the hallway. He couldn’t start to imagine their reaction as they realized he was singing to one person in particular, that person being Louis, who would be sat in the very front row of it all, impatiently awaiting his boyfriend’s appearance onstage, excited to hear whatever rendition of whichever song he thought Harry would have picked. He imagined in his head his boyfriend’s face as he realized the song was for him, that every beat of the piano ( because obviously Harry would be playing it as well as singing), every lyric the curly haired lad uttered was meant for him, destined to him and only him, aiming for his heart like so many times before when Harry sung the other boy to sleep quietly, ending in a low hum as he himself fell asleep as well, to the quiet thumps of Louis’s heart and his soft snores. 

He needed to do it: for himself, to prove that he was in fact strong enough and that he really wasn’t a coward. He needed to prove it to himself, make it right i his head. He had to do it for Louis, to assure him that they were going to be okay. That high school was going to be over in a matter of months and then they’d be free of judgement, because no one in college judges you like they would have back in high school. 

High school itself wasn’t very spectacular: a building that stood proud on the corner of a street, joining one of the main arteries of their neighborhood. It was made of red brick and had an old, eerie atmosphere that would give any kid under the age of twelve the scare of their life if their were by themselves at night. It held a whole block to itself, with an outside and inside football field, along with an interior gym and classrooms for five hundred students.

That is when it starts to become a bit catchy. When only five hundred students attend the school, they get closer and closer until an unbreakable bond is created. Everyone is laced with everyone, if not with everyone else in the school, at least with their own grade. You have a history with each and every single person in your class. They know your quirks, your habits. Every single person knows a different thing about you, whether it being what you put on your toast or what you had to eat for Christmas the previous year. They all know bits and pieces, and it’s those bits and pieces that make you who you are. So together all those people know you better than you know yourself, in a way.  
Then comes the judgement. It’s not because you have talked to everyone that you automatically get on with everyone. It takes a lot for groups to accept you in their inner circle, which are super exclusive: get in one during the first week of your stay or you’ll be a loner for the rest of your time in jail - sorry, school. 

If you end up as a loner, your life will be a roller coaster. You’ll get invited in to parties and get stood up. It can get pretty awful. But on the other hand, if you become a loner by choice, chances are you’ll be the most popular kid in school. Why? Because you don’t care. You just do your think, if you like reading you read, if you play more video games than healthy you do that, and no one bugs you. No one will bother you and they’ll talk to you as if you were on of them because you are. You’re a marginal, you’re an insider, you’re a nerd, you’re a sporty. You’re all and nothing. Which is pretty amazing in itself. 

Moving on, those kids have their own opinion. Those opinions differ on most points: political views, economics, international relations, the quality of the last ‘Assasin’s Creed’. There’s is one thing though, one thing kids seem to be deadset on: that none of them will ever really bugger off of until they’re properly confronted with it and the actual facts. For now, they only have their parents’ views on it, which is enough to make any other, more open-minded kid gag and choke on his own saliva. They think like their parents without realizing that it might not be the right way. If my way is not the right way, then why should yours automatically be the right way? There can be a third, fourth, fifth party. You just have to go looking for it. 

In the 1960s, when most of their parents had been born, the world was very set on religious beliefs. They regimented schools and personal and social lives. They dictated how you dressed and how you thought, how you talked and how you expressed yourself, all through school.  
When you speak of the Church and religion in general, one subject always came back. It has marked history by the way the Church was so focused on exterminating it, not quite realizing it was a lost cause: it wasn’t about genetics or any type of illness they would have came up with. No, that subject was all about feelings (and now, as it has been proven, about the physiology of the brain). All about the butterflies in someone’s stomach, and the fondness in their eyes as they looked at their loved one. The one person in which they saw everything they ever wished to be themselves: better and greater and more. More than just little old them, trying to go through life unscathed. And they’d lay eyes on the other and just know. Know they could keep going unless they had that one person by their sides, loving and caring for them, excited to see them coming home after a long time away, to make them a nice cup of tea and kiss away all the worry they might have gathered during their time apart. 

Homosexuality has always been a sin in Church’s eyes, much to everyone’s dismay. Where has it been said, written, that two people of the same sex couldn’t fall in love? feel love for one another the same as a man and a woman together? Who decided of it? Who in the world has had enough power to say that what those people feel when they’re in the arms of their loved ones, staring in their eyes and deep into their souls, is not real? That it’s not okay and that it’s completely irrational and just a way fro marginal people to delude themselves into thinking it’s real, that they’re really different? 

No one should ever acquire such power. No one in the entire world should ever be capable of saying such horrible things. What if it was the other way around?  
A world where gay people would hold all the power and being heterosexual would be frowned upon?  
It’s completely stupid to think either ways because both are ridiculous and thoughtless and lacking in originality and common sense. It was like that before, which is quite sad. All because of the Church and really any kind of religion that has bashed on those persecuted people for no other reason that they were slightly different. 

“Earth to Harry!” Anne called for the tenth time. “Are you having dinner with us tonight?”  
“Uh?” He looked up from his desk. “Uhm yeah sure” he nodded before returning to his contemplation.  
“Alright” She sighed and left the room. 

It had been quite awkward ever since Louis and him came out. His dad, he was as stubborn as ever when it came down to his own son’s sexuality. It was to be expected, really. Harry should have seen it coming, even Louis to some extend considering how much time they’d been spending together for so long. 

His mum had gotten over it, if you could say so. She just didn’t address the issue or ask anything about the relationship between he two boys, preferring to talk about the weather or the last Manchester United game. It made him cringe but inside he was glad. Glad that they hadn’t thrown him out, maybe. Glad that they were denying him or acting like he didn’t exist anymore. They treated him mostly the same, his father a bit colder but that was something he could handle. He could handle his dad. 

He attended the auditions the following Thursday and was, with no surprise, picked out. the organizers f the whole thing wanted to know which song he was to perform on the big night but he couldn’t tell them. It would be outing himself - and Louis by association - way too soon. He needed all the time he could gather to build up the courage to not only admit to being in love with Louis but also that he was gay - or bisexual or whatever people wanted to call him, because were labels really necessary? Why tell someone they are homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, pansexual? Those names don’t matter. Everybody should just let themselves fall for whoever they will fall and not care about what is in the other’s pants, because what truly matters in the end is the connection both souls make. Soul mates. 

The hardest part of it all must have been hiding it from Louis. The smaller boy always wanted to hang out but Harry couldn’t s he had to practice so he would be on top of his game. He promised the committee that he would give his best performance ever, that they had to trust him on it, and they had so therefore he needed to completely focus on his singing. 

“Come on!” Louis whined. “Please?”  
“I really wish I could go with you but I have an extra paper to write for english I’m sorry babe” He pouted across the window. Louis waggled an accusing finger at the other boy.  
“I miss you Harry, we haven’t properly hung out in two weeks” He protested. “Just a walk to the park and back?”  
“I really can’t” Harry chuckled softly. “But you look adorable with you puppy eyes and pouty lips”  
“Fine. Have fun on your date with your computer” Louis grunted before hanging up. Harry blew him a kiss from where he sat on his bed, and Louis could help but blow one back with a small smile.  
‘I love you’ the curly-haired boy mouthed and the other flipped him off before exiting the room. Harry bit his lip and drew the curtains, before settling on the small seat and getting ready to practice, letting his fingers run over the keys. 

“I’m tired of you avoiding me” Louis pouted as he entered the other boy’s bedroom and claimed the bed. “What is up with you? I miss you curly”  
“Hum?” Harry turned from his desk where he was actually doing real schoolwork, for once. “I’m sorry I’ve just had an overload of work these days” He shrugged and joined his boyfriend on the bed. “But I’m yours right now?”  
“Good” The other grabbed him by the neck and tugged him closer to press their lips together. “I’ve missed you pumpkin”  
“Missed you too” Harry chuckled softly and climbed over Louis so he was straddling his waist, their lips still connected.  
“When are you going to stop avoiding me?”  
“When school slows down... in a week or two” Harry said softly as he nipped at Louis’s jaw.  
Louis hummed quietly and ran his fingers through Harry’s hair. “How come you have so much extra work and I don’t?”  
“Maybe because I tend to skip loads of classes for football and it does not please any of the teachers one bit?” Harry shrugged. “I have no idea”  
“Oh well” Louis sighed and attached his lips on Harry’s neck, sucking a bruise into the silky skin.  
“It’ll soon be over” Harry promised.  
“Alright” The other agreed and they went back to kissing, entangled in Harry’s bed. 

~~~

“I am really intrigued now” Louis laughed softly from the bed, rolling on his stomach. “Please tell me!”  
“Just get dressed, fancy” Harry swatted his arm gently as he buttoned up his shirt.  
“Please just give me a clue!” Louis begged. “I hate not knowing!”  
“You’ll see tonight okay?” Harry stood in front of his mirror to fix his shirt properly. “I promise”  
“Ugh fine” Louis rolled off the bed and reached Harry, arranging his collar and pressed a kiss to the spot beneath his ear. “I’ll see you later” He smiled and left the room, Harry smiling softly after him. He was nervous, out of his mind. How could he not when he was about to confess his love for his best friend in front of their whole school and all their friends and families.  
He finished dressing up and gave himself a final look over in the mirror before walking outside the bedroom and making his way down the stairs to the living room where his parents were waiting. They weren’t really approving any more than they had a few weeks prior, but they weren’t treating him like he was some kind of alien or something so it was progress, right? And they were behind him for the whole thing that was about to go down that night. 

“Let’s go” Anne said gently and rose to her feet as Harry appeared. “You look amazing” She kissed his cheek gently.  
“You look good too” Harry smiled as he looked at the black dress she was wearing along with diamonds accessories. “Very classy”  
“I was certainly not going to be underdressed for my son’s big night!” She protested.  “I know I wasn’t mocking you” He chuckled softly.  
“You better not!” She swatted his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go” She tugged him outside and her husband followed without a word, knowing better than to argue.  
They sat inside the black car, Harry on the backseat fiddling nervously with the collar of his shirt, earning a disapproving sigh from his mum. He swallowed thickly and sat on his hands to keep from ruining anything.  
“Why are you so nervous?” His dad asked, with an eyebrow raised as he turned to look at the boy. “It’s not like you never performed in front of an audience”  
“I know Dad it’s just... It’s really important to me this time around. More than ever before” He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling on it nervously.  
“Alright. Well, break a leg” his father reached behind to pat his knee and Harry’s breathing hitched and his heart jumped. It was the first somewhat affectionate gesture his father had made toward him ever since his coming out. 

“Thanks” He whispered as his mum parked the car in front of the school. He jumped out quickly and waved at them as he made it inside the school, absentmindedly greeting other people and shaking hands with the slightly older persons he crossed path with. He instantly relaxed as he felt a timid hand graze the small of his back and turned to smile at the other boy. They froze for a little moment, just lost in each other, before he returned his focus to the lady in front of his, whom he’d been talking to previously before Louis had arrived.  
“This is my best friend Louis” He introduced. “Louis, this is the Dean of the the university of Cambridge” He added. “They’re looking for some new recruits for their music program”  
“That’s amazing” Louis commented as he shook hands with the fifty-or-so year old lady, who was looking over them with a fond look softening her traits.  
“The only amazing thing here is Harry, I have to say. I’m really looking forward to hearing you perform” She praised. “Louis it was a pleasure. Good luck to you Harry” He smiled sweetly before disappearing, leaving the boys in an amused stance.  
“That was.. Okay” Louis chuckled. “Weird”  
“She looked like she knew about something we didn’t” Harry agreed with a laugh.  “She was right. You’re amazing and you’ll blow the roof yeah?” Louis looked up slightly into the green eyes.  
“I’ll try my best” Harry nodded with a smirk, but inside he was quacking and shaking and praying for the ground to swallow him whole.  
“Perfect. I’ll always be proud of you okay?” Louis grinned widely.  
“Alright” Harry agreed and pulled the other in a tight hug. “I love you” He murmured into the smaller boy’s ear, only for them to hear and know of. They broke apart before the hug started to seem a little bit more than just platonic.  
“You too” Louis replied with a twinkle in his eyes. “Go blow their minds” He squeezed the other’s shoulders before letting go. “I’ll wait for you after. My parents are going to walk and they left me the car” He winked.  
“That sounds wonderful” Harry approved with a smirk just as someone approached him and told him he was to make his way to the back of the stage. “I’ll see you after the show” He waved at Louis who nodded with a smile and walked inside the auditorium and found his seat in the front row, beside the rest of the football team and their girlfriends and a couple of random people. They greeted him cheerily and he laughed along before the lights started to dim. He heard the rustling of fancy clothes behind him as everyone hurried to take their seat, hopeful about the show that was to come. Louis looked up at the stage with a soft smile, waiting for the thing to start. There was an introduction by one of the girls of the student council, and then it begun.  
First up was a guy playing guitar who sung an okay rendition of an Ed Sheeran song. It wasn’t the best but it wasn’t really that bad. After that the acts seemed to blur in together in one messy, loud mash, before they introduced the final act of the night.  
Harry walked out on the stage and waved a little before settling down on the piano stool and let his fingers hover a little over the keys.  “This one... This one is for someone special to me” He spoke softly as the room quieted to a complete silence. He nodded and took a deep breath before he started playing. he played a few beats before he started singing and Louis could feel tears prickling at his eyes. 

 

You've got the words to change a nation  
but you're biting your tongue  
You've spent a life time stuck in silence  
afraid you'll say something wrong  
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?  
So come, on come on  
Come on, come on  
You've got a heart as loud as lions  
So why let your voice be tamed?  
Baby we're a little different  
there's no need to be ashamed  
You've got the light to fight the shadows  
so stop hiding it away  
Come on, Come on

I wanna sing, I wanna shout  
I wanna scream till the words dry out  
so put it in all of the papers,  
i'm not afraid  
they can read all about it  
read all about it oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh

At night we're waking up the neighbors  
while we sing away the blues  
making sure that we remember yeah  
cause we all matter too  
if the truth has been forbidden  
then we're breaking all the rules  
so come on, come on  
come on, come on,  
lets get the tv and the radio  
to play our tune again  
its 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events  
there's no need to be afraid  
i will sing with you my friend  
Come on, come on

I wanna sing, I wanna shout  
I wanna scream till the words dry out  
so put it in all of the papers,  
i'm not afraid  
they can read all about it  
read all about it oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh

Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people  
so when did we all get so fearful?  
Now we're finally finding our voices  
so take a chance, come help me sing this  
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people  
so when did we all get so fearful?  
and now we're finally finding our voices  
so take a chance, come help me sing this

I wanna sing, I wanna shout  
I wanna scream till the words dry out  
so put it in all of the papers,  
i'm not afraid  
they can read all about it  
read all about it oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh  
oh-oh-oh

I wanna sing, I wanna shout  
I wanna scream till the words dry out  
so put it in all of the papers,  
i'm not afraid  
they can read all about it  
read all about it oh

 

Louis kept his eyes on Harry the whole song, heartbeat picking up extremely fast, so much that he thought his heart was about to burst out of his chest. He didn’t even process the looks he was getting as he smiled goofily, not caring about anything but ‘HarryHarryHarry’, the only thought running through his head. ‘HarryHarryHarry’. 

When it was over, Harry remained still for a couple seconds before leaning in to be closer to the mic. “I love you Louis..” He said quietly before getting to his feet and taking a small, uncomfortable bow at the small, unsure applauses he got, and exited the stage under the shocked looks of everyone in the room. Louis got to his feet shakily and climbed up the steps to the stage and ran behind the curtain. He ran straight into the other boy’s arms and held him tightly, Harry returning the embrace just as hard.  
“I love you so much” Louis kept muttering, and pulled back a bit to cup his jaw. “So much..” He whispered and leaned up to press their lips together softly.  
“I love you too...” Harry sighed and buried his face in the crook of his neck. “Can we... Can we go home?” He asked weakly.  
“Yes yes sure come on” Louis nodded and took Harry’s hand in his own, walking him to the front door and outside of the backstage area. He shrunk a bit as they felt everyone’s eyes on them as they made their exit. He tightened his grip on the other’s hand as they found their way to the car. They settled in and didn’t say a word on their way back home. Louis led them to his own house and unlocked the door with shaking hands, scrambling inside and tugging his boyfriend after him. He locked the door again and turned to look at him. “Tonight” He finally whispered and Harry’s eyes widened.  
“Are you... Are you sure?” He inquired as the got closer to one another, almost breathing in the other’s mouth.  
“I love you” Louis nodded. “I’m sure” He swallowed thickly before taking his boyfriend’s hand to lead him up the stairs to his bedroom. He locked the door and then turned to pull the curtains. “The neighbor can be a bit of a voyeur” He teased as he sat on the bed beside Harry, who let out a soft chuckle.  
“I just want to make sure it’s what you really want, and that you’re not just doing it because I kind of forced our coming out on you tonight” Harry whispered, taking Louis’s hands in his own. “I want to make sure you’re okay”  
“I’m fine, H. I swear. I want this so bad and I want it to be tonight. I want it to be special” Louis promised.  
“Alright” Harry nodded, breathless already. “Okay, yeah. Sure.. Just ... Just tell me if you want me to stop okay?”  
“I will” Louis assured. “I love you Harry”  
“I love you too Louis” Harry leaned in and captured the smaller boy’s lip in a soft embrace. 

When Louis woke up the next day he was feeling sore and ecstatic. He rolled over in bed, not without wincing, and smiled at the sleepy form of his boyfriend, the sheets barely cover from his waist down, hugging the forms delicately. He reached out to run his fingers lightly over the glowing skin that was being kissed by the soft morning sun rays. He smiled wider as he got to the bruises lathering his neck and shoulders and collarbones, love bites Louis had left there in utter bliss.  
“morning” Harry mumbled sleepily, blinking rapidly the sleep away from his eyes.  
“Morning” Louis replied and snuggled closer to his boyfriend.  
“Are you feeling good?” Harry asked hoarsely, reaching out to wrap an arm around his boyfriend.  
“I’m in heaven” Louis grinned and pressed a kiss to an unbruised spot on Harry’s neck.  
“Good” Harry murmured before closing his eyes again and holding Louis tighter as he fell back to sleep, Louis following suit.

~~~

Louis walked out of his house around the same time as Harry did. He smiled and reached out for the other’s hand nervously, which he took gratefully. The smiled at each other and started their walk down to the school: the first since they came out. They had spent the whole weekend wrapped up in each other, hugging and kissing and touching one another in any possible way. Anything to just feel and pretend they were fine, even if only for a little bit. Just pretending and wishing for everything to be okay, for everything to be fine. Praying to God that they would be alright in the end, and would come out unharmed.  
“Ready?” Louis asked lowly as they reached the school.  
“As I’ll ever be” Harry nodded and kissed his cheek gently before they pushed open the doors to the busy hallway that seemed to quiet down all of a sudden. Louis tried to not let it phase him, tried to keep his head up as he held on Harry’s hand so tightly he probably cut the blood flow in both their hands. They reached his locker first and let go of each other’s hands so he could open it. He froze and dropped the lock when someone walked past them, muttering ‘faggots’ under their breath. He looked up at Harry with pleading eyes and Harry placed a comforting hand on his back, rubbing gently. Louis took a deep breath before returning his focus on the lock, managing to open it after three tries with his shaking hands.  
“It’s okay” Harry whispered in his ear and Louis took a deep breath before nodding. “Yeah, alright” He turned to be face to face with Harry. “Can we skip first period?” He pouted.  
“We can’t babe... But I’ll see you at lunch alright?”  
“I don’t really fancy sitting with people who are going to make snarky remarks and treat us like shit” He warned and shut his locker after grabbing his math books.  
“We’ll go eat outside then. I love you” Harry leaned in gently to kiss him before flashing a smile and heading to his own locker, the opposite direction from Louis’s first class.  
The blue eyed boy walked straight to his class and sat in the back by the windows, praying the ay would just end soon so he would stop feeling like he was an recluse, an outsider in a place he’d always felt accepted. He tried to ignore the hard looks he was getting and the snarls he could hear even from across the room. He wanted the floor to swallow him whole and let him into hell: because that’s where he belonged. He wasn’t bitter about it really, belonging to hell. Because at least he was living his life the way he wanted to live it, not regimented by a book that never really did say it was wrong to love someone o the same sex. It was just Religion that had decided of that, deemed it a sin. Which damned him to spend eternity in hell, and he was happy because if he was to land in hell so was Harry and wherever Harry was, he would be, and happy. So really, hell did seem like a lot of fun from his perspective. It couldn’t be so bad if he got to hold Harry. nothing could ever be so bad if they got to be together. 

Harry tried ignoring the looks and comments and whispers as he made his way through to lunch. He spotted Louis quickly at his locker and reached out for him.  “Fancy going outside for lunch today?” He asked quietly and Louis nodded frantically, relieved they didn’t have to enter the loud and obnoxious room. Harry linked their hands together and tugged him toward the exit to the green space behind the school, spotting an empty picnic table. They made it there unharmed and settled down on the benches, face to face. Louis pulled out an apple from his bag and started nibbling on it distractedly.  
“Hey” Harry said softly and covered the other’s hand with his own. “You alright?”  “Yeah” Louis nodded and offered his apple. “It’s just... weird. Not a bad bad but not a good one either. It’s just plain weird to have people know about us.. I love being able to hold your hand and kiss you now. But... I feel like they’e intruding in something that’s just ours and I really don’t like them pretending they know better because they really don’t”  
“I get what you mean” Harry assured and took a bit from the apple before pulling out his own lunch. They ate together quietly, feet touching underneath the table like they’d done so many times, in another setting, another context. 

Before they knew it it was already practice time and Louis tugged Harry in an empty corner and pressed him firmly against the wall as he ravished his lips hungrily, desperately. Harry could only moan and hold on his boyfriend tightly, not ever wanting to let go. It was what they’d been craving all day and he couldn’t get enough of the other’s taste on his tongue, sweet and reassuring and home.  
Eventually they had to let go, out of breath, clutching at each other’s shirt as on to dear life. “Don’t wanna go” Harry mumbled, pressing quick kisses on the other’s lips.  
“You have to” Louis reasoned. “Don’t let them be right about whatever they’re thinking. You’re still the captain and the star player okay? Don’t let them bring you down. I’ll be waiting for you at home”  
“Alright” Harry sighed. “Love you”  
“Love you too. Now go kick their asses and show them who’s the boss” Louis winked and pinched his bum teasingly, making him squeak.  
“I’m going to make you regret that” He warned with a smirk and let go of him with a final, reluctant kiss and entered the locker room, which went quiet as soon as his presence was felt.  
“Look, the fag’s still pretending he can play football!” one of the guys called, making the others snicker. Harry rolled his eyes and dropped his bag on he bench and slipped off his shirt.  
“Guys be careful he’s going to sexually harass us now!” Another mocked earning more laughs. Harry shook his head with an amused smile.  
“I’m sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart” He turned to look at the other with a patronizing look. “But it’s not because I’m gay that I’m automatically attracted to every single man on this planet. Just like you aren’t attracted to every single lady there is” He shook his head and then took off his trousers, slipping on his training shorts quickly.  
“You just want dick” one of the guys sneered.  
“Actually, I want one, and that’s my boyfriends. Plus, you guys aren’t as attractive as you all think you are” He gave them a condescending look before tying on his cleats. “None of you come as close as hot as Louis, but keep dreaming!” He laughed and put on his shirt. “See you on the field” He jogged outside of the room leaving half of them awestruck at the courage he’d just shown, standing up to about twenty guys who clearly didn’t approve of his sexuality, although they’d never admit to it, preferring to hide it behind scowls and snorts, and the other half fuming and their blood practically boiling at the guts he’d had to go against them of all people. They couldn’t wait to get on the field and show him who really ran the team. 

Harry was spent by the end of practice, exhaustion and pain painting his face in an horrified mask. His whole body was throbbing and there was a jab coming from his knee every time he took a step with his left leg. It hurt, bad, but he had to put up with it at least until he made it home and to Louis. So for now he sucked it up and gave out a playful smile as they returned to the locker room to change back in their everyday clothes. This time, for the first time in forever, he didn’t jump right in the shower, instead preferring to settle on getting as quickly as he could to his boyfriend and his care.  
He looked up to see some of the people he’d considered his friends considering him with disgust and hatred. He sighed and trudged outside of the locker room, hearing some of the snarky little comments that were whispered in his trail. He stopped at the door and turned to see them all staring at him harshly. That one last comment, he couldn’t let go pass. He could have gone without bothering if he hadn’t heard that one.  
“You know what? My sex life has got nothing to do with you, so I suggest you keep your nose out of it! I fell in love with Louis for who he is regardless of his gender. So what if he’s a guy? He’s amazing and I love him. So many of you are just going to be miserable all your damn life if you keep thinking this way. You might fall in love with another man and you’ll just pass up on that amazing opportunity just because they have a dick instead of a vagina, and really, you’re just too much of a coward to make your own decisions so you go with what your mummy and daddy taught you from an early age. The whole point of parenthood is to teach the kids how to think by themselves and form their own opinions and care for themselves. And me and Louis were lucky enough to have parents like that but clearly some of you have big ass issues to deal with if me and Louis holding hands and kissing and loving one another bothers you! I hope you all rot in heaven. It sounds like a damn boring place anyway” He snapped, making sure every single word was clear. “What you did to me today was fucking stupid and irrelevant because I’m still the same as I was before last friday. I’m still captain and I’m still first line and I’m still the same guy who used to joke around with you all, except now, now I’m in love and I’m proud of that part of myself. The only thing that changed is your knowledge upon he whole situation. And seriously how fucking blind are you guys?! We made it so obvious when I think back I am amazed at how it stayed a secret for over five months! You’ve only got yourselves to blame for reacting this way, and I’m seriously glad you don’t want to hang out with me anymore because I don’t want to be friends with people who can’t even take a stand”  
“We’ll get you” Mike hissed and Harry sighed, looking down at his feet.  
“You’re all pathetic” He muttered before leaving the room and headed outside quickly, practically running toward his house. He dropped his bag by the door and called out to his mum that he was going next door before crossing the front yards and knocking loudly on the bright red door.  
“Coming!” Louis yelled from inside and Harry could hear him running down the stairs hastily to open the door. “Hey” he breathed out with a smile, having not picked up on Harry’s mood yet. “Come in” He pulled the other inside the house before closing the door. “So how did it go? Want something to drink? I was about to make tea”  
“Tea is great...” Harry nodded and followed toward the kitchen, limping slightly.  
“Are you alright?” Louis frowned as he saw the way Harry was walking. “Did you hurt yourself?”  
“Really?” Harry chuckled because really he thought it was obvious.  
“Right” the other mumbled. “Well go sit on to couch I’ll brink you some ice and some tea. And we might have a knee brace somewhere” He patted the sweaty curls. “And then you’ll have to shower because as much as I find it really sexy to have you all hot and sweaty, I can’t cuddle you properly if your skin is sticky and smelling of filth”  
“Sure” Harry sighed, not even in the mood to argue that he was fine. He loved having Louis fussing over him, caring and loving and all cuddly and warm like a teddy bear. He stumbled his way through to the living room and flopped down on the couch, knee propped up over a few pillows. He smiled softly when Louis returned with a bag of ice and balanced it on his knee. “I’ll check if there’s a swelling in a minute, just let me get the tea” He promised and kissed the green eyed gently before returning to the kitchen and checked the kettle.  
“The perfect housewife!” Harry praised, earning a loud laugh from the kitchen. “You wish my dear. But I’d do anything for you”  
“And I’d do anything for you”  
“I know” The other smiled. 

~~~

“Louis!” Jay called from the bottom of the stairs. “Louis, Harry is here! Come on down!”  
Louis took in a deep breath and smiled at his reflection through the neon light room. He didn’t have the light from the sun - that was long set by now but still - because he’d decided to draw the curtains to block Harry’s view into his room. They’d been separated, both of them wearing smirks and promises to see each other really, really soon. Louis had instantly dashed to his wardrobe, pulling out shirts and cardigans and vests and sweaters and settled on a whit crisp shirt with a low collar and a thin black line outlining the neck discreetly, along with a dark blue jacket. He then went looking for trousers: he needed to find the perfect ones, those who would allow him to move yet show-off properly and perfectly. He grabbed a pair of semi-fitting black trousers, to go get the collar from his shirt. He set it out on his bed and grinned proudly. He then scampered down the hallway quickly and jumped in the shower, washing himself from top to bottom, making sure his hair would be be all shiny and soft and fluffy like Harry had once said he liked them the most. He dried off and started the shaving process. He loved when Harry had a small stubble, but he didn’t fancy it on himself, so he tried to keep it to a very, very minimum. Once that was done he dried his hair roughly before putting some hair products in it to keep it up in a small quiff.  
“Perfect” he nodded and sprayed some cologne and aftershave on before returning to the bedroom to get dressed. He buttoned up but left the top one open, and then pulled on the dark blue jacket. He tugged the trousers up his legs and let out a sigh once they were fully buttoned and fitting him. “Okay” He breathed out and then went looking for shoes. Right. Shoes. That was going to be delicate. He could decide to keep it somewhat casual by wearing converse or vans, or he could make it a bit quirky by wearing his TOMS, something Harry was certain to find very entertaining and would laugh about it for the rest of the night. “No TOMS” he shook his head and pushed the few pairs he owned aside, trying to reach the dress shoes in the far back of his wardrobe. He had a lot, brown in suede, or leather, some black in the same two fabrics, and even owned a few quirky ones: blue, green, the obvious grey ones of course, and he apparently had a red pair.  
“That is not happening” He tossed the red shoes away, making a mental note to truly throw them away later on. He grabbed the black velvet shoes and considered them before smiling. “Exactly” He approved his own choice and put on a pair of socks before tying the shoes.  
He gave himself an overall look just as his mum called.  
“I’m coming!” He yelled and straightened up his shirt and jacket, tried to smooth out the tiny wrinkled from his pants before giving the final okay. He tore himself away from the mirror and went straight out the door, knowing that if he hesitated only for a second he would be over and trying to find something else to wear or fixing his hair so much that it would end up shiny in the wrong way from all the grease he’d put in it with his fingers.  
He took a deep breath and walked down the stairs steadily (as much as he could, anyway, with knees threatening to buckle at a simple pressure), holding on the railing and only looking up once he reached the bottom. He was faced with one of the most beautiful visions he’d ever had. 

Harry was standing there, completely relaxed and smiling broadly, wearing black, tight, pressed pants with a grey linen shirt, complete with the matching jacket, and he’d even added a small bow tie. His hair was fluffy and curly and out of control in a way that looked effortless (and it was, Louis knew that much. This was totally Harry’s bed hair), and it was something fashion designers often tried to copy but none could ever come close to this. Plus, it framed the boy’s childish features softly, making him look almost angelic. Almost.  
“Hey” Harry greeted him with a sparkle in his eyes.  
“Hey” Louis croaked and reached for the offered hand. Harry took the opportunity to make Louis twirl around so he could get a complete view.  
“You look gorgeous” He praised.  
“Thanks” Louis blushed and reached out to tug at Harry’s bowtie. “You don’t look bad either” He chuckled.  
“Only for you” Harry grinned and Louis got on his tiptoes to kiss him quickly.  
“Ready?” The curly haired lad asked, and Louis nodded, biding goodnight to his parents before following Harry outside to his father’s car he’d managed to bargain (in exchange of laundry and dishes for two weeks, Louis had learned. He’d only laughed and kissed his boyfriend’s nose, telling him how good of an housewife he’d make).  
“Here”Harry opened the passenger door for Louis to climb in.  
“So chivalrous!” Louis swooned teasingly, making Harry poke him in the ribs and tell him to just ‘get your big bum in there’.  
Once Harry was in the driver’s seat they hit the road to a restaurant downtown where they’d gotten some reservation.  
“This is going to be perfect, I can already tell” Louis smiled and turned to look over at Harry, linking their hands over the gearshift. “I’m so happy we can finally go on a proper date!”  
“I’m happy too babe” Harry winked at him quickly before returning his eyes to the road ahead. Louis kissed the boy’s hand gently before he looked at the road too, smiling softly as the restaurant came in view. They parked the car and stepped out of it, Harry offering his arm to Louis.  
“Thank you” He grinned and linked his own in it as they stepped inside the small, dim-lit place. They were seated in the back, and in front of one another. Louis could feel Harry’s feet softly rubbing against his calf and hid his smile behind the menu.  
“D’you know what you’re getting?” He asked, not raising his eyes.  
“I was thinking the pork. You?”  
“the chicken sounds good” Louis decided and shut the menu. “I’ll take it and we can share”  
“Fine” Harry grinned and closed his own. “I’ll take the pork then”  
“Perfect” Louis leaned in on his elbows, resting his chin on his hands. “You know” He said dramatically, “I don’t go on dates with just any guy”  
“Figured” Harry snorted and mirrored the other’s position. “You’ll be happy to know, neither do I. So you’re really really special” He said, matter-of-factly.  
“I’m flattered” the blue eyed lad chuckled.  
“You should” Harry said cheekily earning a louder laugh from his boyfriend and a swat to his arm.  
“You’re so full of yourself” Louis sighed with a smile.  
“You love it” the curly haired boy shrugged. “I’m quite lucky myself, finding such a cute guy willing to spend time with me”  
“It’d be hard to refuse” Louis shook his head. “You’re hot and charming and nice and make e laugh and I mean come on you’re captain of the football team. Every girl is envious of me right now”  
“Can I take your order?” The waitress finally interrupted them with a charming smile.  
“Sure” Louis grinned and placed his, and listened carefully as Harry placed his own as well. She promised them their drinks would be there soon before disappearing. 

Dinner went by easily, conversation flowing (why wouldn’t it? they were still them, but this time around they were in public. No, Louis’s foot wasn’t twitching and he certainly didn’t try to read the other clients’ opinion about them being on a date in their faces. Of course not. He’d never. Ever). Before he knew it, Harry was helping him up and was offering to help put his jacket back on. Louis smiled and kissed him thank you.  
“Let’s go home now. Mum and Dad are gone” Louis said quietly as they snaked their way outside of the building and into the chilly air.  
“I’d love that” Harry wrapped an arm around the smaller boy and squeezed him into his side, causing him to sigh and wrap his own arm around the other bloke’s waist and his other over his stomach. They walked quietly toward their car which was in the back of the parking lot, barely lit, but they liked it that way: no one to bother them.  
Or so they thought. 

It arrived before either could really comprehend what was going on. One second they were cuddled up and all lovey-dovey, and the next Louis was on the ground, holding his jaw tightly as the pain throbbed. He barely saw one of the guys whacking Harry around the head, effectively knocking him out, before he felt someone kick at his stomach over and over again.  
“Stop!” He cried out, a thin line of blood trickling down his chin. “Please stop!”  
He was about to ask again when he felt something really, really hard collide with his leg, and he let out the highest of screams he’d ever heard himself utter. That wasn’t a kick: it couldn’t be. It had to be like a baseball batt or something as equally hard.  
He tried to protest more but kicks kept raining down on him, forcing him to roll into a small ball, the smallest he could with his leg he just knew was broken. He was sobbing, looking over at Harry who had something shiny tainting his beautiful hair. Blood, Louis realized with a turn of his stomach just as someone kicked his injured leg, and then they stopped. He could feel someone crouching down, and he sensed their warm breath hitting his cheek as they leaned in to whisper in his ear.  
“That’ll teach you, faggot” the voice hissed and Louis could only try to make himself smaller as the four or five guys left the parking lot in a hurry. He tried to crawl over to Harry, going through his pockets hastily to the best of his abilities as the blood kept running through the curls. He finally found it and thanked god it hadn’t been broken by the little... altercation. He dialed 999 with shaking fingers.  
“Hello, Police Station, how may I assist you?” The lady said in a cold, uninterested voice.  
“I’m right... I’m right behind Rosso’s... We got attacked.. My boyfriend, he’s passed out and there’s so much blood and I can’t feel my leg...” He managed to get out before it got too much and let out a long wail. He dropped the phone and clutched his stomach tightly.  
“Hello? Hello? Someone’s on their way. Can you try to stay conscious until the medics get there? Hello? Can you do that for me? What’s your name? Hello?”  
That’s all he heard before he passed out. 

~~~

The lights were blinding. Heaven, Louis thought. This must be wrong. I’m supposed to be in hell.  
He shut his eyes once more and tried to make the count of his body. First his toes, then feet and ankles, moving up the calfs. He was halfway through his thighs when he felt a hand squeeze his own. He fluttered his eyes open once more to see Harry looking down on him with an apologizing look on his face.  
“Hey” Louis croaked, his voice rough from not having been used in so long - and, talking about it, what was so long? How long had he been sleeping for his voice to be this rough and mouth so raw?  
“Shh” Harry cooed and brushed the boy’s fringe away from his eyes. “It’s okay..” He whispered but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything. And it dawned on Louis: the beating, the crying, the bleeding, that hadn’t been a part of his dream. Those thing really happened.  
“Oh Harry...” he whispered and Harry bit his lip, hard and tightened the grip he held on the injured boy. “How bad is it?” He asked weakly.  
“You... You got a broken leg, first of all” Harry pointed at the casted leg and Louis cursed himself for not noticing before. “You had.. You had internal bleeding so you had to go in the operation room so they could stop it... And you’re bruised all over your body.. I’m so sorry” He mumbled, pressing his face in the hand he held on to tightly.  
“It’s fine..” Louis shook his head. “I’m fine... It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have predicted it okay? It’s okay. Now what about you?”  
“I got.. I got a trauma, and I now have a fresh scar in the back of my head. The doctors say I got lucky, that it could have been a lot worst...”  
“I’m just glad you’re okay” Louis sighed. “Do they know who did it?”  
“They haven’t found who it was... But I have a fair idea as who would do something like that”  
“Who could it be?” Louis asked, not really eager to know who would do this to them but needing to know.  
“Some of the guys...” Harry mumbled and Louis hummed softly.  
“I can see” He nodded. “Are you.. Are you going to say anything?”  
Harry shook his head and took a deep breath. “I can’t. It’s my team.. And if they did that to us because we went on a date, imagine what would happen if we turned them in? We’d be dead within days”  
“So you want to let them get away with it?” Louis whispered. “Are you out of your mind?”  
“Louis, listen to me” Harry grabbed both the boy’s hands and squeezed them tightly. “A few months. Weeks at the best. That’s all we have to wait, and then we’ll graduate and we’ll be out of the school for good. We’ll go to Leeds together, spend a nice little vacation up north and then college’ll roll around before we know it, and we’ll find ourselves a nice flat away from her, deeper in town, close to the University and it’ll all be fine. We’ll meet new people, and it’s all going to be okay. Do you trust me?”  
“I ... I do. I trust you” Louis sniffled and pulled his boyfriend closer for a hug. “I love you...” he whimpered in his neck.  
“I love you too..” Harry breathed in his neck, holding him tightly. 

~~~

The las week had been pretty intense. Louis had had to get crutches and in all honesty, he hated it. The only reason he really put up with it without crying out in frustration was because of Harry, fussing over him constantly. To say Louis loved the attention was an understatement. 

One time, He’d been laying in bed and was hungry, like really hungry. Harry had brought over some broth and snacks and drinks and pretty much anything he asked for, never complaining, the smile on his face never fading as he carried on every single bidding his boyfriend gave him. At some point Louis had started feeling bad for abusing him and his generosity but Harry had quickly reassured him that it was completely fine, that he really didn’t mind. So it went on, and on, and on. Until he had to go back to school. He was dreading it like one would dread visiting someone’s grave every year on the fateful day. Ok, maybe that was a morbid comparison but it was one that was awfully accurate. So it was with a frown that he got ready for school, slipping into his clothes as slowly as he could, trying to drag it on - and also because he couldn’t really hurry up considering he had a leg in a cast, and maneuvering it wasn’t as easy as it might seem. 

Louis made sure he’d done everything he needed to do upstairs before making his way down the steps and into the kitchen. He didn’t fancy having to return up the stairs just because he’d forgotten a sock or something. If he had he probably would have said ‘screw it’ but that’s beside the point.  
He wobbled his way inside the kitchen and smiled at his mum as he took his seat at the kitchen table, reaching out for the hot kettle and poured himself some tea. He added a dollop of honey and sipped it, sighing contently as it was exactly how he liked it. One thing he didn’t quite understand was why people put milk and sugar in it. The milk took away the beautiful color from it, and the sugar took away the sharp bitterness he believed made the whole charm of tea.  “Made Yorkshire just for you” His mum smiled as she flipped a pancake.  
“Thanks” he smiled behind the cup he was clutching tightly, blowing at the steam. “I’m starving”  
“Figured” She laughed and brought over his plate that had three golden pancakes layered, with strawberries and blueberries. He reached out for the syrup carefully and poured some on his meal just as he heard the front door open.  
“Morning!” Came the happy chirp and Louis turned to the kitchen door, waiting for his boyfriend to appear. He did after a couple seconds and they smiled at each other broadly.  
“Good morning” Jay interrupted and placed a plate in front of where Harry was now seated, and ruffled the boy’s hair fondly.  
“Are you ready to face the jungle?” Harry asked Louis with concern painted all over his face and it made the blue eyed boy’s heart swell.  
“I am” He nodded eagerly and shoved a forkful of breakfast in his mouth before downing it with a gulp of tea. “Don’t you have a game tonight?”  
“Yeah why?” Harry raised an eyebrow as he set the syrup back to where he’d picked it up.  
“Would you mind getting your jersey in my room then?” He asked with a flutter of his eyelids.  
“And you want it because...?” Harry was clearly confused.  
“Because it’s game day you loon! And I always wear it on games day and this is no different” He said with a roll of his eyes. “Now finish eating and go get it so we can finally leave” He returned to his breakfast with a satisfied smile and a scoff from Harry.  
They finished in silence, the only noises coming from Jay cleaning up the dishes and humming quietly along the radio. Louis could feel Harry’s leg pressing against his own but to this point it was just normal. They didn’t really stop to consider any of it: just did what felt right, and it came easily. 

“Come on” Harry grabbed both their plates to put them away in the dishwasher. “Let’s get you in the car” He returned to Louis with a smirk.  
“The jersey” Louis said pointedly, crossing his arms over his chest. “Go get the jersey”  
“Ugh, so demanding!” Harry feigned to look exhausted as he left the room and Louis could hear him going around upstairs, and it was obvious Harry was making the bed before coming back down. It made the boy laugh to himself, earning a curious look from his mother, which he shrugged away. Harry reappeared a little bit later with the jersey in hand.  
“Can we go now?” He raised an eyebrow and grabbed his bag and Louis’s.  
“Definitely” Louis nodded and slipped on the jersey with a smile before getting to his feet. He reached for the crutches on the side and lifted himself off the chair. “Lead the way” He wobbled after Harry.  
They left the house with called out goodbyes for Louis’ mum. They let the door swing shut behind them and Harry helped Louis in the car.  
They drove to the school in a nice silence, and when they got there Harry made sure Louis was okay with everything, even settled his bag on his back carefully before they walked inside the school. 

Sometimes people say the eyes are the window to the soul. They said how you can’t hide: your eyes cannot lie. Louis had always thought it was wrong. He could easily hide his emotions, not let them appear into the beautiful blue orbs. His mum and dad didn’t know what he really felt most of the time: they only did when he explicitly told them about his feelings.  
Others were another thing. He could feel everyone’s eyes on them, on him especially, and it made him cringe. He dared to meet a few people’s eyes and regretted the decision right away. He could see absolute hate, and disgust. Not once did he spot an ounce of compassion, sympathy, hell he would even have settled with pity. But the harshness of the looks made him want to curl up in a ball and cry. Cry out everything he’s been holding inside for the past months. Cry for himself and for Harry and for their parents and his sisters and everyone around them. Everyone that had been affected by them being so foolish and selfish. How they did that, how they let that happen without stopping it, without setting their foot down, he had no idea and frankly, he didn’t fancy learning why he let other people treat him like dirt. He wasn’t dirt. He wasn’t the scum of the earth like so many seemed to think. Neither was Harry. They were still the same. They were still Harry and Louis, the two guys that are attached at the hip, that have ben the best of friends for as long as they could remember. They were still the two same kids that would sneak in at late hours on the football field as Harry tried teaching some tricks to Louis. Those night always ended up with Harry showing off and Louis cheering from the side, warm cup of tea they’d brought in a thermos in hand.  
They were still Louis and Harry, the boys that could have a whole conversation just by looking into each other’s eyes. Who didn’t need to say anything to know how the other was feeling: their other half. The two boys that knew when it was best to just shut up and hug their best friend until they felt better. Or, on the other hand, crack the worst joke they could ever think of just to take the other’s mind off what was bothering them.  
They were still the same two boys that would sneak out in the middle of the night without telling their parents and go to the park, sit on the swings and talk, talk for hours. Two kids who would have sleepovers and cuddle and watch horror films and claim not to be scared, only to practically beg the other to accompany them to the loo, never once admitting it was because they were scared about the guy with the chainsaw from he film. None ever made fun of the other. Never once would anyone hear one mock their best friend behind their back. Their frights and phobias were theirs, and their own to keep and cherish and care for.  
There were other things too. Like how Harry couldn’t, for the love of God, eat peas with his steak. The thought itself repulsed him. But only did Louis know that. Harry was the only on to know about Louis’s love of painting and arts. Their own parents didn’t even know in what programs their sons had applied into: only the two knew, and they intended to keep it that way up until they were accepted and ready to leave home.  
Because of course they weren’t going to stay: They had both applied to Manchester and were saving up to rent a flat together and go through their time as students as a whole. No doing it halfway. It was all in or not at all, and that was the way Louis wanted it. 

 

Game night was probably one of Louis’s favourites. He loved sitting in the bleachers, surrounded by other partisans of the team and heaps of supporters. He enjoyed the feeling of pure bliss that filled him when he would see Harry run up and down the field, taking control of the match and the ball effortlessly, as it seemed.  
He loved the smell of hot dogs and pretzels and cheap perfume and sweat. He smiled only thinking about the oppressing feeling that was so great, that made him feel like he was floating, as weird as that sounds. He loved being crushed by the crowd, disappearing into it, knowing those people were all like him. They loved to disappear, to not be seen. But still were necessary, because without individuals, you can’t make a whole. He loved knowing he was taking a part f something. 

“GO HARRY!” He screamed as the other boy ran past him with the ball in control. “Whoo!” Harry smiled and winked at him before refocusing on the game. Louis kept cheering as it went on, the eighty minutes drgging on and on until they were done, and Harry’s team had obviously won ( the opposite team was really, really bad, not that they had t be in order for Harry’s team to win, but you see the point).  
“Ready to go?” Harry asked as he exited the locker room, the field now empty bar for the few scattered teenagers across the field and parking lot.  
“Yeah” He nodded and grabbed his crutches. He’d gotten better during the day, managing not to punch anyone in the throat with them as they snickered, watching him struggle at first to get around with a third and fourth leg.  
“Then come on, your carriage awaits!” Harry took a mocking bow, making Louis laugh. “Let’s just go home” He swatted his arm and resumed walking to the car. 

“Was it okay for a first day back?” Harry had asked as he helped the other boy to get ready for bed.  
“It was fine. I didn’t really.. I didn’t really stop to think about what people said you know? I just kind of let it be. Not ignoring but not responding either. I think it’s better we keep just... our heads high” Louis said with a yawn.  
“I’m glad you think that way” Harry kissed his forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight”  
“Night” Louis mumbled as Harry left and shut the light. He fell asleep quickly after that, a smile tugging at his lips. 

~~~

It was straining to say the least. The last couple of weeks had been hectic: with exams and games and the stress of figuring out where exactly they wanted to go to school, which university, which program, where they were to live ( in Manchester, since Harry loved the Manchester team and they had a great psychology program for Louis).  
So far they’d decided on the uni, the programs, and all that was left was the flat. 

“What about this one?” Harry asked from the foot of the bed where he was sat with his laptop hanging precariously off his knees. “It’s got two rooms so we can have a guest bedroom, and the kitchen and living space aren’t too small. The bathroom seems .. of normal size” He looked up.  
“Show me?” Louis set his own computer aside and crawled to his boyfriend to look at the screen.  
“Looks good” he approved. “Add it to the list, yeah?”  
“Sure” Harry nodded and wrote down all the information they needed to remember for their little trip up north in a few weeks. They were to go check out campus and the surroundings, get their bearings. Louis grabbed the computer and slipped it to the side and wrapped his arms aroun Harry, resting his head on his shoulder.  
“Time for a break” He announced, pressing a kiss in the crook of the curly haired lad. Harry was about to reply when a knock on the door interrupted them.  
“Yeah?” Louis called with a sigh and let go of Harry. “Come in” 

The door creaked open and a tiny blonde head popped through the small slit.  
“Hello” She cooed and Louis leaped out of bed to throw himself into his sister’s arms.  
“I missed you!” He cried and held her tightly, not wanting to let go. She held him just as tightly, having missed her baby brother.  
“What about me?!” Daisy peaked through the door. “Did you miss me?” She asked with a glint of mischief in her eyes. Louis squealed and pulled her in for a group hug, thankful to be having his sisters along.  
“Okay okay, I’m suffocating from Lottie’s perfume!” Daisy protested after a bit, laughing. They chuckled and Lottie pretended to be offended for a second before brushing it off. “Missed you too Harry!” She cooed at the boy and went to the bed o hug him. “God, you just get fitter every time! Louis, you lucky bugger!”  
“He does, doesn’t he?” Daisy agreed with a smirk and went to hug the other boy as well. “Too bad you’re gay. I would totally date you”  
“I had a crush on you in fourth grade and you kept turning me down!” Harry rolled his eyes fondly. “But it’s all fine I got someone even better” He winked at Louis, who blushed a little.  
“Awe!” The two girls cooed. “You two are so cute together”  
“Thanks” Harry smiled, not taking his eyes off Louis.  
“Alright now you two need to tell us everything that happened. And we mean everything” Daisy demanded. “Louis, shut the door and come join us on the bed”  
“As you wish” He took a mocking bow and did as told. He and Harry shuffled up toward the head of the bed as the two blondes settled at the foot of it, looking at them expectantly. Louis and Harry shared a look and took a deep breath before launching into the story of their past year. 

They started up with the first kiss, and Louis couldn’t help but wince as Harry told the girls how awful it had been: not the actual kissing, that had been fine, but just.. the whole ‘mixing up the feelings’ had been an horrifying experience for both boys, neither could deny it. Louis explained how he’d felt when Harry had been rather mean to him, making Harry reach out to hold his hand tightly.  
They both told about the second kiss. The one kiss they had preferred by far.  
“It was just.. raw. I don’t know how to explain it” Louis bit his lip. “Like.. I could feel everything from him and I’m pretty sure he felt all I was feeling at that time. It was just the best thing because there was nothing to prove there: just us kissing like horny teenagers with feelings we’re not quite ready to face, not just yet”  
“yeah, pretty much. Oh, and your brother is much stronger than what he lets on. He had me pinned to the lockers for a good bit” Harry chuckled.  
“That I did” Louis nodded and kissed his cheek softly.  
“It was great” Harry concluded. 

They told Louis’s sisters about their reunion, and how they worked it out. They went on about their trip to Leeds, earning jealous glances from the two girls.  
“To our defense, the parents didn’t know yet so they thought we were only going as best friends” Louis laughed.  
“that was brilliant!” Daisy exclaimed. “You two could do whatever you wanted without anyone suspecting any of it!”  
“It was great but.. It gets a bit straining after a while. It was getting harder not to hold hands or hug or kiss like we wanted to” Harry said gently, rubbing Louis’s back. “That’s why I pretty much did our coming out. Thankfully your brother took it well”  
“Yeah. Imagine if I would have been mad about him making the coming out without consulting me! It would have been awful” Louis nodded.  
“Mum filmed it” Lottie smiled. “I saw. It was adorable. I’m glad Louis found a guy worth his time” she winked.  
“She did?” Louis perked up. “I always cursed myself for not filming it! I need to get it from her”  
“Pretty sure she’s sent it to everyone in the family, actually” Daisy laughed and dropped on her back. “So, what happened then?”  
“Erm...” Harry looked over at Louis, who smiled softly and took over.  
“We got jumped, on our first official date. Guys from Ed’s team, cornered us and beat the shit out of us. They broke my leg with god-knows-what. It was pretty awful, honestly. Messy and bloody and disgusting. But we’re here right now aren’t we?” He shrugged. “We can’t let it drag us down. It happened, now we need to move on”  
“You’re so mature” Lottie cooed and pinched his cheeks, making him squeal and squirm away from the touch.  
“Nah, still a kiddo” Daisy giggled. 

Together they all got ready for the ceremony, a few days later. Daisy was wearing a short blue bodycon, and Lottie was rocking a green peplum. Both had curled their hair, with Harry shaking his head from the other side of the room saying how ‘their hair was beautiful naturally, why would they want to change it?’. Louis had seen them do it enough times he didn’t really bother trying to make them change their minds anymore, just gave the thumbs up of approval. 

He was wearing a black suit with a thin black tie, a crisp white shirt underneath. Harry was wearing the same, but with a light blue shirt underneath.  
“You look perfect” Louis praised, straightening the other’s collar.  
“You’re breathtaking” Harry replied, leaning in for a soft kiss. Louis smiled and kissed back, wrapping his arms around the taller boy’s neck to hold him down, not wanting to part lips.  
They eventually did, when Daisy coughed (not so discreetly), and told them they needed to leave in five minutes if they wanted to make it on time. Louis blushed and nodded, the girl leaving with a giggle.  
“We probably should get moving” Harry finally said after a bit. “Not make them wait on us”  
“Alright” Louis nodded and took a step back. “Do I look okay?”  
“Like I said, absolutely stunning” Harry smirked. “Me?”  
“Life is unfair” Louis sighed dramatically. “You’re perfect. Come on” He grabbed his hand and pulled him outside of the room, to keep him from replying. They met with their families in the living room. They took a couple of pictures, Harry and Louis scowling toward the end, tired of being in front of the lense, just wanting to get it over with. They finally all left, split in two cars. Harry and Louis were sat together, holding hands in the middle as they talked away with the girls. Their parents were together in another car, leaving the kids together.  
The girls asked about stuff concerning the school (‘Is Mrs Dabney still there?’ ‘Does Mr Blackwood still harasses kids?’ ‘Do they still kick you in the ass when you perform better in football than in their test?’). 

They didn’t see the scenery go by, so before they knew it they were pulling up in front of the school.  
“Let’s go then” Harry smiled and Louis nodded, following him out the car. They saw their parents parking a few spots down and waited for them to join before walking inside the school, the two boys reaching for one another’s hand instantly as they entered the mass of bodies and perfume and heavy hairspray. You’d think the girls had fallen inside a gigantic tub of hairspray, the kind that smelled bad too.  
“I’m glad we don’t smell like that” Louis whispered to Harry who let out a loud laugh, agreeing with his smaller boyfriend. They found their own seats in the first few rows while the rest of their entourage took their seats in the higher rows. Louis had a flashback to the talent show and gripped Harry’s hand tightly, smiling at one another broadly.  
 The ceremony went by rather quickly, the principal giving a speech and then the valedictorians did theirs. Finally the graduates were called up on stage to receive their diplomas, the two boys one after the other. They hugged tightly once they stepped down the stage.  
“It’s over, Louis” Harry whispered into his ear. “It’s finally over...”

And it was. Over. The hiding, the sneaking around, the stolen glances and snogging in dark corners. It was all done, and now they were off to a better place. A place where they could be themselves and not be worried as to what other people would think, or how they were to react. No more late night cries into one another’s shoulder, begging the sky to make it easier, to let them be true and not judged or beaten up for just feeling. They were now free of any fear related to their sexuality and the least to say was that it was a weight taken off their shoulders. 

“I’m glad it is” Louis turned to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek.  
“So am I” Harry nodded. 

Yeah. Finally over. 

~~~

“Are you sure you got everything?” Jay asked as they shut the trunk.  
“Yes mum, we do” Louis nodded and kissed her cheek. “We’ll see you in a few weeks” he promised before slipping into the passenger seat of the car, plugging in his iPod as he waited for Harry to get in as well. When he did, they waved to their parents through the window as they drove away before settling back down and linking hands between the seats, over the gearshift. Louis leant on the window and shut his eyes as he listened to Harry hum along he music that was playing. They were on their way to Manchester, finally. It was mid-august and both were eager to get settled in their flat together and start their lives as adults. 

They got there a couple hours later, about four pit-stops under the belt (apparently, candies were mandatory for a road trip, and Harry always ate a handful before he started craving something else, forcing them to stop and pick up some of his new craving - worst than a pregnant lady). They pulled out in front of their new building that was about a block away from their campus and put the car to a stop. they slipped out and started unloading.  
The heavier stuff had already been brought in: they’d decided to use Louis’s bed, so he spent the last couple of days sleeping on the couch, not that he minded. Their parents also had helped into buying them the minimal furniture for their flat (couch, kitchen table, etc).  
“Do the honors” Harry said, dangling the keys in front of Louis, who smirked and grabbed them to unlock the door. He stepped inside and took a deep breath.  
“Welcome home” He whispered and turned to Harry, who was smiling widely at him.  
“Indeed” He agreed and pecked the shorter lad on the lips before going to drop the boxes he’d been carrying into the bedroom. Louis went back outside to get a box as well and brought it inside, dropping it into the bathroom this time.  
They carried on for about half an hour, carrying boxes inside the flat.    
“Finished!” Harry breathed out and shut the door behind himself.  
“You think” Louis smirked from where he was, placing some stuff up on the tablets in their living room. “Get unpacking, princess” he winked, earning a grunt from the curly haired boy, who obeyed nonetheless. Louis finished up with the living room rather quickly and then moved on to the kitchen, unwrapping the silverware and plates.  
“H?” He called once he was done.  
“Bedroom!” Was the reply he got. He smiled and went to find the other boy.  
“I was thinking about ordering chinese” He informed him and sat on the still unmade bed.  
“Fine with me” Harry nodded and kept placing their clothes in the wardrobe.  
“Alright” Louis pulled out his phone and scrolled through the numbers he’d saved in there, knowing it’d become useful to have some numbers ready to order in. He called and placed in the order, giving out the address with a smile shared with Harry.  
“So it’s official then” The curly haired lad said as the other hung up. “We’re officially living on our own”  
“Yeah” Louis grinned. “Come on. I didn’t hand up the frames, wanted to do it with you” He tugged his boyfriend off the bed and toward the living room, pulling out the box that withheld their pictures. He handed one to Harry and picked one out himself. It turned out to be the one he used to have right in front of his bedroom door, of him and his sisters. He was glad his mum had let him take it to Manchester. He hung it somewhere where it was easily in view and then helped Harry hang the rest all over the place. They were almost done when there was a knock on the door and they went to open, Louis retrieving the food whilst Harry paid. They sat in their new kitchen, talking quietly and eating, stealing bites from the other’s plate sometimes, but mostly stealing kisses. 

The night went by quickly and they settled on the couch together, Louis resting his head on Harry’s lap. The taller boy was playing with his hair gently, making the blue eyed lad moan appreciatively. they watched tv for a bit, laughing at some re-runs of friends. They shut it down at around ten and remained quiet, drinking in one another’s presence.  
“Was it worth it?” Louis asked, looking up to the other boy.  
“To the moon and back” Harry grinned, leaning in to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “To the moon and back...” he repeated in a whisper. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Falling in love is great.  
The butterflies in your stomach,  
the tingling of your skin when they touch you.  
Falling in love with your best friend is even better:  
you already know and trust one another.  
But what if it was considered wrong?  
What if you had to hold back from taking their hand?  
Cut back that one-second-too-long-to-be-platonic hug?  
Restrain yourself from standing too close to them,  
or leaning in a little too much?

All of that and so much more,  
only because you’re both boys?


End file.
